Memorial Day

A day of remembrance............ I am thankful for those in our country who stand for us. Please continue to pray for Tyler (Lauren's sweetheart) and his unit.

This is a day to remember. Yes, a day to remember many things........... but, oh how we wish we could forget them. Forget and go back to "the way things were". Forget all of the bad things that have happened. Things and relationships are forever changed. It is a very sad turn of events. We all have to find new ways in this crazy world. Hurt and heartache seems to come at every turn and our hearts just seem to break over and over again.

Over the last few days, for some reason, I go over in my mind the last words Dad spoke to me, Superbowl Sunday, he was so not himself and he was in pain and he told me to "Get out!" (well not exactly but that is the PG 13 version of the words). And so I did........... and I went to the restroom with the doggies and sat and sat and listened to him say "Hello, hello.........." Mom came home shortly after that and he was all full of charm and niceness. He even ate some Carrot Cake. And then I left to go to the superbowl party and Mom and Dad were snoozing. And, that was the last time I really saw Dad awake....... ah, yes, the "memories"................ I know that I cannot beat myself up too much over the why didn't I but I have so many questions and no answers for things I wished I would have asked. Now, they will just be questions in my mind. Oh what I wouldn't give for one more chance to have a conversation with my Dad.

Mom and Matt and Matt's friend Patrick came over today for an early dinner of burgers and fries. Yummy burgers I might add thanks to Chef Kevin. Oh, and swimming. I kept looking up and around to see where Dad was or did they need to get home because he might not be feeling well. I kept remembering the last time we were all here together to celebrate a holiday. I kept thinking about the exact places Dad went and sat. I remember him sitting out by the pool for a bit on July 4th. I can't wrap my memory around Memorial Day last year and I'm not sure why. Were we all together at my house? Or did we not have a family gathering. hmmmmm................

Lauren is starting summer school very shortly. Jill is helping her move into her new place. The campus is quiet and most of her friends have graduated and moved on. New phases, many new beginnings. Jill is traveling bunches and bunches and bunches and bunches.

The kitties are growing up very quickly. I have new pictures to share with you guys but of course, that will have to wait for another day.

My mom is taking steps to become even more healthly and taking care of herself. I am so proud of her. More than she ever knows.

Matt is starting school in July. He has a meeting Friday with the financial aid officers at the school. Pray for that meeting to go well and for one of us to be there for him if we need to be.

I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Stephanie

A card made me sad

Today, I was looking for the anniversary card for Kevin. In my "card" drawer, was a Christmas card that I bought for Dad. I never did give it to him. Never can now. Sad. Very. Very. Very. Sad. And yet, we move on.

As time goes by you go through so many different emotions and try and find your place back in society. You feel a loss of not only your parent, but your family circle, your purpose, yourself and place in the world. You feel as though your whole world has been shattered and continue to pick up the pieces one by one.After a while, the phone stops ringing and I have realized that I not only miss my dad, I miss all the people who called to check in and ask "How is Mike". I miss everyone asking us how we are doing, I miss all the people coming over bringing meals, I miss all the time I spent caring for Dad, I miss all the drive to and from the hospital, I miss every second of the few months with Dad during his illness as well as all the times we had throughout the years. I miss being Dad's daughter here on earth.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes on not what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."