It has been two years...........

I received the following text from my sweet sister on 2-10-2010 "Been two years and one day... Still can't get over it.".

Really, I know how she feels.

I have this BIG dilemna right now. Well not really a big dilemna.

Here it the dilemna internet.....

My best friend is getting remarrried......... she asked me to stand up with her at her wedding..... something that I am honored to be asked to do and honored to do......... so, what is the problem you ask? My sweet baby girl's last day of elementary school and all of the celebrations that go with that is on the same day as this wedding.............. and her dance rehearsal for recital. My sweet daughter said "she would be fine" but then when she realized that I was going to miss the last day of school and her recital she was bummed. Oh, I forgot to mention that the wedding is also in California. Why sweet dear internet did I just not point this little fact out when it came up a LONG time ago? I just can't say no obviously to a fault. How do a lay out the priorities? Dad would say family comes first. I know he would but there would be a caveat that you should be there for your friends too. Especially the ones that have been there for you. The ones that you can pick up the phone and call no matter when the last time it was you talked to them. I want to be there to celebrate her special day. But I also want to be here. My mind thinks back to my sweet sister who made the decision to go to Califronia for a wedding that happened to also be on Dad's birthday. And, who would've known that that would be Dad's last good birthday before he died? The thought process I'm sure was there will be other birthdays........ so there will be other recitals and other lasts that I will get to participate in as the mom to my sweet baby girl. But is that a risk I'm willing to take? Do tell me internet. I've prayed about it........ I've debated about it............. I've gone to look at dresses. And, if I don't get my stuff together REALLY soon internet, I'm going to have to pay a RUSH fee for said dress for said wedding. If that is where I really decide I'm going in MAY 2010.

In addition to saying family comes first and the caveat about your friends Dad would listen to me to listen to YOU. And, while he was LISTENING to meRAMBLE on about everything he would be able to ASK you those probing questions to get to the BOTTOM of it and HELP you FIGURE it out. He was my person to talk through it with, to raise all of those questions. He would be able to know WHY I'm having such as hard time making this decision. Is it that I am scared to say NO now that I have said YES for being in the wedding. Is it MISSING out on the stuff with HANNAH. Oh, Internet, I really wish you could tell me. Now that talking with Dad is not an option it is scary to me to know that I'm going to have to figure it all out by myself. That not matter what I decide to do it will be FINE, I know that. My sweet husband tells me that everything will be fine here if I go. I've tried to bounce these thoughts and ideas off others but it is just not the same as picking up the phone and calling Dad.

I'm thankful that I have my sweet friends Dad who looks after me. He sent me this message on 2-9-2010 "I love you! Just thinking about you."

It's good to have those here, to help you when you're down......... but no matter what.... it isn't the same and I'm afraid for now I will have to agree with my sister when she says "I just can't get OVER it.".

Hope you have a good Monday and the sun shines down on you!