Spring Cleaning.....

Today is the first day of spring and it is snowing in Texas........... Yesterday it was in the 70s and this morning it was 32 degrees....... So, since it is too cold to play outside Hannah and I are cleaning up and organizing her room......... makes me sad because we are getting rid of so many "little" girl things. She is growing up. Sigh........... While we were cleaning up we found a pair of glasses that don't have lenses in them that Dad gave Hannah. And, then Hannah found the picture she painted to remember Granddad after he died. She was looking for a frame to frame the picture but the canvas is an odd size....... Then for a moment she was really quiet and after a few minutes she came to me and told me she was sad. I asked her why and she held up the picture that she had painted and pointed to it and I immediately knew what she was thinking without any more words......... The loss of my Dad, her Granddad........... is felt down to the core every day by all of us. And just when you thought you were moving forward, things like this take you backwards............ I know Dad would be so proud of all of us ........ proud of his oldest for loosing weight and "checking" her blood sugar, proud of his baby girl for school, proud of his next to oldest for all of her accomplishments and buying her "first place" and proud of his son for going to school and most of all proud of his wife for taking care of what she needs to take care of the best she knows how. We miss you Dad............... We are thankful for all of these little reminders of you.............. I like to think of the snow as Dad sending down blessings on us. Happy Spring.........

It has been two years...........

I received the following text from my sweet sister on 2-10-2010 "Been two years and one day... Still can't get over it.".

Really, I know how she feels.

I have this BIG dilemna right now. Well not really a big dilemna.

Here it the dilemna internet.....

My best friend is getting remarrried......... she asked me to stand up with her at her wedding..... something that I am honored to be asked to do and honored to do......... so, what is the problem you ask? My sweet baby girl's last day of elementary school and all of the celebrations that go with that is on the same day as this wedding.............. and her dance rehearsal for recital. My sweet daughter said "she would be fine" but then when she realized that I was going to miss the last day of school and her recital she was bummed. Oh, I forgot to mention that the wedding is also in California. Why sweet dear internet did I just not point this little fact out when it came up a LONG time ago? I just can't say no obviously to a fault. How do a lay out the priorities? Dad would say family comes first. I know he would but there would be a caveat that you should be there for your friends too. Especially the ones that have been there for you. The ones that you can pick up the phone and call no matter when the last time it was you talked to them. I want to be there to celebrate her special day. But I also want to be here. My mind thinks back to my sweet sister who made the decision to go to Califronia for a wedding that happened to also be on Dad's birthday. And, who would've known that that would be Dad's last good birthday before he died? The thought process I'm sure was there will be other birthdays........ so there will be other recitals and other lasts that I will get to participate in as the mom to my sweet baby girl. But is that a risk I'm willing to take? Do tell me internet. I've prayed about it........ I've debated about it............. I've gone to look at dresses. And, if I don't get my stuff together REALLY soon internet, I'm going to have to pay a RUSH fee for said dress for said wedding. If that is where I really decide I'm going in MAY 2010.

In addition to saying family comes first and the caveat about your friends Dad would listen to me to listen to YOU. And, while he was LISTENING to meRAMBLE on about everything he would be able to ASK you those probing questions to get to the BOTTOM of it and HELP you FIGURE it out. He was my person to talk through it with, to raise all of those questions. He would be able to know WHY I'm having such as hard time making this decision. Is it that I am scared to say NO now that I have said YES for being in the wedding. Is it MISSING out on the stuff with HANNAH. Oh, Internet, I really wish you could tell me. Now that talking with Dad is not an option it is scary to me to know that I'm going to have to figure it all out by myself. That not matter what I decide to do it will be FINE, I know that. My sweet husband tells me that everything will be fine here if I go. I've tried to bounce these thoughts and ideas off others but it is just not the same as picking up the phone and calling Dad.

I'm thankful that I have my sweet friends Dad who looks after me. He sent me this message on 2-9-2010 "I love you! Just thinking about you."

It's good to have those here, to help you when you're down......... but no matter what.... it isn't the same and I'm afraid for now I will have to agree with my sister when she says "I just can't get OVER it.".

Hope you have a good Monday and the sun shines down on you!