Happy Birthday Memaw

Dad's Mom's birthday (Memaw to me) was November 1st. I remember vividly this time last year. Dad was still in the hospital but he made sure we sent flowers from the place he always sent flowers. Jill took care of that for him I think. I believe that last year I was scrambling to send something too. Something different. You know a cookie bouquet or something fun. I know I sent something but I can't remember exactly what. I'm finding that I don't remember a lot about this time last year. I know we were there with Dad but the rest of the details of my life I do not remember. I know Memaw liked whatever I sent. This year, of course, without Dad to remind us we got behind and did not call or send her anything. How terrible is that? Our reminder is gone.

Memaw I'm so sorry that we did not have a gift for you on that special day. I hope you had a beautiful birthday and I know you had two precious angels looking down over you. I know that you too are adjusting to life without your precious son. The void he left in our family is huge. I know you miss him and your kids miss him.

Must go, tears flowing freely. Off to soak in a nice warm bath. Hayden tried to teach me the monkey bars tonight. Tomorrow I hope I can lift my arms above my head to get dressed. Really it isn't that bad but it could be.

Still learning how to navigate this world without my Daddy. So many things I wish I could run by him and get his input. So many, many things. One might think I could talk to friends or Kevin about these problems but no one listened quite like Dad. He had a way of just listening, not judging, just hearing you out. Gosh, how I miss that really the most especially now with so much to do and so many things to figure out.