Two Years Ago - October 18, 2007

October 18......... a day filled with celebration (my aunt's birthday).......... fall......... cooler weather........... but for me, it is the day that life that I knew it changed forever.

October 17, Dad was still Dad........of course, he had cancer but he could still get up and walk around. He could get in the car and come to my house. He could get up and hug me good bye. And, I will never forget exactly where I was on October 18 in 2007 . I was sitting in at my desk at my office working. Mom called me to say they were at the emergency room. And, me, being naive, thought..... it will be fine.......... I remember trying to rationalize that things good get better. Looking back though there were so many things that happened in the hospital that should have been clues that things were not "going" to get better at all............. Like which room we received at 6 Roberts or the location of where they put my dad. Yep, next to all "those" patients... not the ones that are "coming home". There was radiation for pallative reasons. But with all of that I still remember that no matter what my Dad had hope. Regardless of what he probably knew was coming he still did not give up that "we can do this attitude". After being released from the hospital he still wanted to see if they would do more radiaion.... I am trying to remember to live each day with that "can do" attitude. It is just harder some days that others....

I hate that my family had to endure this process but I am thankful for the many blessings that came out of this for me. Leaning on my sisters, family that was there for us and of course the many, many late nights of being up with my Dad. Taking care of him was one of the hardest things I've every done. But I would not change what we had to do for anything.

There is not a moment that goes by that I don't miss him.... And, I can always think of a reason why I could call him...... he was always there just to listen to what I needed to say and to never judge what I was thinking...... don't get me wrong, he had is opinions but he wanted your decision to be YOURS................ I know at my AGE I should be a GROWN UP and able to not go runnning to my dad but there is nothing like the comfort of your daddy's arms no matter how old you are.............. all of you girls out there know what I'm talking about...... Sometimes, you JUST need your DAD... and when he isn't here there is no amount of substitutes for him!!

So, as we enter into a new season of holidays and Thanksgiving, I am going to try and remember my blessings and be thankful for the extra time we had with Dad........... I will try hard to put a smile on my face and not fall into a deep slump that I can't get out off...... I will remember to put one foot in front of the other and that life goes on............. I will remember that I have a WONDEFUL HUSBAND and KIDS that NEED me. '

One would think that as time goes on this process would get easier; however, it just seems like it doesn't - there are just new challenges to face.
Hug you loved ones.... tell them how you feel and remember this Thanksgiving to count your blessing...........

Stephanie