September 21st

Yesterday was mom and dad's anniversary. Would have been their 40th. We weren't there with mom to give her a hug or listen or be there. Jill, Lauren and I called her but I know that wasn't the same. Mom was very upset and understandbly so. This is the hard part when there are occassions that when Dad was here were significant dates that you marked on your calendar and made a special time to do something or celebrate. What do you do with those days now? How do you mark them? How do remember and not be so sad? I remember their anniversary last year. It was the same day that Kevin and the kids and I took Matt out for his birthday. Mom was making steak and some other yummy foods. Dad wasn't feeling much up to eating and I'm not even sure if they really had an anniversary celebration in the traditional sense. But none the less, they were together even under really bad circumstances. And now, not so much. I'm trying not to be sad but be happy but I think the tears are good for working through this thing called grief.

Hannah just came in and asked me to lay down with her and so I'm off to get ready for bed. Just when you need it a knock on your heart to stop the tears.........

Good night all, sleep tight,
Stephanie