Seven months ago yesterday

I meant to update this yesterday but time got away from me............

September 9, 2008

seven months ago, you were here with us.................. although on this day seven months ago you had really already left us. I can't believe it has been that long and then at times it feels just yesterday ................... I just still can't believe it is has been seven months without you here to listen and give us advise or help us with something. We are showing that we are able to do pretty good but it sure isn't easy. I can still remember almost every little detail of that evening into the morning you passed into heaven. I remember conversations, me and Jill and Lauren sitting in the living room floor looking thorugh pictures and the hospice home health aide opening the door to your room and motioning for us to come quickly and as we got up she was motioning for us to come even quicker because she knew you were going. I guess in my mind I knew that you would not be here much longer that week but it all just seemed so hard to grasp and in many ways it still is. I remembering freaking out when they so casually threw away all of your medicines and how we worked to get you ready for your final earthly journey. How sad it was to see you drive down the street never to return. And afterwards, everyone gathered to eat dinner. I really wasn't ready for all of that. I wanted to stay in your room to feel close to you so I watched Legally Blonde like we did so many nights. Except there were no requests for toast or food or water or coffee. No stalling to take your medicines. No smelly stuff, you know what that was............... Just movie and silence. Our family rallied around us..................... it was as if time just stood still for ever right after you passed away and then everything went on as if you were still here.............. that is the hardest part about all of this I think is having to pick up and move on because I know we have to but it just feels wrong doing it all without you. There is so much that I can't go into here but I know you know those issues. They are the same ones that you stayed up many a nights making lists about and worrying about and making Jill, Lue, and me promise we would do our best to take care of. We are keeping those promises although they are not easy. Love you Papa Bear.............