broken threads

just want to write to say good night to everyone. so, good night. i know that most of you are already sleeping. there are really no new things to report on the bailey front. I don't want to keep writing the same old lines over and over and over again. And that line playing on repeat would be this: I miss dad. I miss the relationships that come with dad, I miss my family and my extended family. I miss the connection that comes wtih having dad here, that common bond and thread that ties us and keeps us together. I get to talk to lots of you on a regular basis and I appreciate that you listen to me. I feel together but apart from so much right now. Like now, my grandmother has decided to take a visit and go for a bit to Arkansas. While she is there, they are getting things ready her to be safe. If Dad was here and able, I know he would be down there helping to intsall grab bars and what not. He would be a part. It makes me sad and mad that he doesn't get to do that.

Most importantly, i've been very reflective these past few days. Reading through the journals we kept while we were taking care of dad Some things bring a smile and others a tear. Thankfully we wrote and kept some of the funny things Dad said. that makes some of this remembering easier. You know, my sisters and I did not see each other like every week before Dad was sick but you know after having spent that much time together even for the reasons we were together, I miss them a lot. It was that constant support, a hug, a cup of coffee, special homemade hot chocolate or that extra push you needed to make it through the really tough times. Now, I guess, it is the really tough times for different reasons and I'm thankful my sisters are here for me. I might not always be able to communicate my thoughts in a way that it makes it easy to understand everything that is going on and I might take you down some paths that make no sense but most importantly i am thankful that you are here to listen, to give hugs and to just be there. Seriously.