The dentist, a place to heal?

Who knew that going to the dentist would be a place to break down and cry and start to let the tears go and begin to heal? Oh, yes. The dentist office and a decision and no papa bear to call. As you know, my top two right teeth, your chewing molars, have huge cavities. I was going to have one of them pulled and do a root canal on the other tooth. However, when I arrived at the dentist office I was so nervous and I had second thoughts about pulling that tooth. I wanted to talk it over with someone. I needed to call Dad and have him listen to me run through my pros and cons. But I could not talk to him. Oh, how I wanted to. And so the tears came more and more. I believe the dentist's office staff just thought I was nervous. Oh, how wrong they were.

I called the dentist back in and he and I talked. He told me that if I needed a 2nd opinion I should get it. I told him that I did not doubt his professional opinion but I was working through some emotional stuff. The person I needed to seek advise from I could not. He was gone. I then called Mom and she did not have life experiences to draw from. Mom suggested I call Shirley. Thankfully, Shirley answered her cell and I boo who cried to her. Shirley told me that she thought I should do root canals on both teeth and save them. She knew that Dad would tell me the same thing. So I hung up with her and let them no that there would be no teeth pulling today.

We started the root canal process.

So, long story short, I did a first today. I had a huge big life event and I made it through. And I started the process of doing many many firsts of things without Dad or where I cannot draw upon him. I think this has to be the hardest part not being able to call him and run something by him and have him listen to me. He would always listen. I know I am a big girl. I know I need to made decisions and stand on my own two feet. But, I just needed my Daddy. Thank you Aunt Shirley for listening to your crazy niece. Thank, you thank you.

When I left the dentist's office I cried some more. The coolest part about the dentist was that while I was getting my teeth worked on I could watch TV. They have the coolest TVs mounted on the ceiling, And guess what channel I watched most of the time? HGTV, of course. And I guess that was my way of having Dad with me. I have 4 more appointments before this is all said and done. Ugh, ugh. My mouth was in a lot of pain this afternoon and tonight but with some time it is getting better.

And, the next coolest part about going to the dentist for this was that I had a McDonalds Chocolate shake for lunch because my mouth was numb and chewing made my mouth a danger to me. As I ordered the chocolate shakes I remembered walking to McDonalds by Baylor Hospital to get chocolate shakes for my sweet sisters. Isn't crazy how something so normal as ordering a shake can bring back the memories? I guess the cool thing about memories is that you will have them in your heart forever.

Off to snuggle up and finish journaling my text messages. That has also been somewhat healing. To go through and relive every little moment and memory as if to not forget and to grieve about every memory and to begin to heal.

To my sweet sisters and brother and mama bear. I love you very very much. I miss you all and am here for you when and if you need to talk.

Stephanie