Dear Papa Bear. Today is your birthday. I miss you very, very much. We all miss you very, very much. Your granddaughter is making sure we remember you today and celebrate with all of the things you loved. She is convinced that you talked to God and Mother Nature and sent snow on your special day. Today you turn 63 in heaven, cancer free. Cancer free and 63.............. I just wish you could be celebrating here with us.......... you don't know how much I really wish that to be true............
How did I make it through today without falling apart???? I think the only way was by keeping VERY busy. I went to a meeting at the kid's school and I kept incredibly focused and busy at work. No ADHD here. Nope, not today. My aunts would be SO proud of me and I think so would my Papa Bear. I went back and forth from feeling like one minute I was okay and then the next minutes like feeling I was about to fall apart. I stopped at Wal-mart to buy some stuff to finish making our heart cake and I almost went in circles trying to find everything. It is just sometimes that feeling of being totally LOST in place that should find yourself totally together. And, then I came home and Hayden was coping with everything by getting louder and louder and I needed QUIET and Hannah was some where in between. And then Hannah splashed the powdered sugar on the counter from making the icing for the cake and guess where it ended up, splattered all over the WOOD floors................. and that is just how I feel some days............ SPLATTERED.................
The hardest part about today was when I got off work and it was starting to sleet and I wanted to call Dad and ask him if Mom should still try to come to Hayen's game or what he thought about this or that. Dad was always the one I found myself calling for different things like that. Little girls and even big girls call on their daddies for that. Daddies always have the answers to everything you ask them. EVERYTHING. And even if they don't have the answers they make you think that they do. Case in point like Dad telling us everything was fine with his health when it really wasn't and we totally believed him. But I guess Dad's really do know what is best.
I managed to pick my kids up okay from school. They were very excited that it was snowing. On the way to pick them up I called Pizza Hut and ordered dinner. Hayden had a game tonight and I had a celebration to continue to plan so I would not have time to prepare dinner "at home". On the way to Pizza Hut, the kids started talking about Granddad's favorite things that we should have for the celebration. Hayden said we needed to have DejaBlue water because that was Granddad's favorite water. Well, not really it was just easy for him to drink, and so that is what the kids associated that with. So, on the way home from basketball Kevin stopped and bought us some DejaBlue water. Hannah said we should have toast. And Hayden said we should have Mac & Cheese. So, as you you will soon see see from the photos with the cake (I cannot find my cord to download pics from my camera so those will have to wait for another day - I am also missing several other things I need to return, I am very scattered), those things made it into the celebration of Heart Day, sort of. I reminded the kids that those things were somewhat Granddad's favorites towards the end of life but if he really ate his favorite it might be Chicken N Dumplings or Steak.............. Hayden was very excited when he thought we were going to eat steak for REAL for dinner. It is really amazing to me the things they remember about their Granddad.
How did I make it through today without falling apart???? I think the only way was by keeping VERY busy. I went to a meeting at the kid's school and I kept incredibly focused and busy at work. No ADHD here. Nope, not today. My aunts would be SO proud of me and I think so would my Papa Bear. I went back and forth from feeling like one minute I was okay and then the next minutes like feeling I was about to fall apart. I stopped at Wal-mart to buy some stuff to finish making our heart cake and I almost went in circles trying to find everything. It is just sometimes that feeling of being totally LOST in place that should find yourself totally together. And, then I came home and Hayden was coping with everything by getting louder and louder and I needed QUIET and Hannah was some where in between. And then Hannah splashed the powdered sugar on the counter from making the icing for the cake and guess where it ended up, splattered all over the WOOD floors................. and that is just how I feel some days............ SPLATTERED.................
The hardest part about today was when I got off work and it was starting to sleet and I wanted to call Dad and ask him if Mom should still try to come to Hayen's game or what he thought about this or that. Dad was always the one I found myself calling for different things like that. Little girls and even big girls call on their daddies for that. Daddies always have the answers to everything you ask them. EVERYTHING. And even if they don't have the answers they make you think that they do. Case in point like Dad telling us everything was fine with his health when it really wasn't and we totally believed him. But I guess Dad's really do know what is best.
I managed to pick my kids up okay from school. They were very excited that it was snowing. On the way to pick them up I called Pizza Hut and ordered dinner. Hayden had a game tonight and I had a celebration to continue to plan so I would not have time to prepare dinner "at home". On the way to Pizza Hut, the kids started talking about Granddad's favorite things that we should have for the celebration. Hayden said we needed to have DejaBlue water because that was Granddad's favorite water. Well, not really it was just easy for him to drink, and so that is what the kids associated that with. So, on the way home from basketball Kevin stopped and bought us some DejaBlue water. Hannah said we should have toast. And Hayden said we should have Mac & Cheese. So, as you you will soon see see from the photos with the cake (I cannot find my cord to download pics from my camera so those will have to wait for another day - I am also missing several other things I need to return, I am very scattered), those things made it into the celebration of Heart Day, sort of. I reminded the kids that those things were somewhat Granddad's favorites towards the end of life but if he really ate his favorite it might be Chicken N Dumplings or Steak.............. Hayden was very excited when he thought we were going to eat steak for REAL for dinner. It is really amazing to me the things they remember about their Granddad.
Speaking of the kids, they defnitely lighten the mood somewhat. That is a good thing. Tonight Hannah's knock knock joke:
Knock knock, who's there. Juicy, Juicy who. Did you juicy the snow outside?
Okay, maybe you had to be there. I think I might be missing part of her punch line.
When we got home from Hayden's game it was REALLY snowing so we played out side. Hannah is still convinced that Granddad sent the show. I think it is really sweet way to think about today. We are sprinkled with his love today. And, to draw the connections closer it snowed on the day Hannah was born and then on Granddad's birthday. Anyhow, Hayden fell asleep before we got to have cake and hot chocolate. Hannah wasn't far behind him. So we'll have cake tomorrow.
I did manage to watch some late night TV and oh, yes, have COFFEE..........
Hugs, Papa Bear.........I love you to the moon and back. Happy Birthday.
Your daughter, Stephanie
Your daughter, Stephanie
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