Resilient ??

Last night at the gym, I ran into a mom I haven't seen in quite some time. Her name is Amy. You know when I run into someone I haven't seen in a long time, why must I feel the need to share "how I've been" feeling and "what I've been through"? Isn't it enough to pick up and talk about how the kids are doing? I told her as I was leaving the gym how resilient kids are and they seem to be able to pick up the pieces. Kids seem so strong and tough. She reminded me that "so are we". We are resilient. We are? Oh, yes, we are; aren't we? She made me think of a point. And it started me thinking. I, we, will get through this.

I also shared with Amy that the hardest part is being alone. You know not seeing or talking to people. Me and my sisters were glued at the hip, we were together, we were talking or texting or something. And we still do that. Don't get me wrong. It just isn't the same. I miss that so much. And I miss all of you that I talked to way more than I do these days. Well, guess what people? Today I got a voicemail message from one of those special people. Her message said this: "Stephanie (my last name), this is your favorite aunt, just calling to check on you and see how you are. I love you. Talk to you later. Bye" Can I tell you how much that made my day? It so totally did.........

Tonight the shirt I put on to go to the gym was one of the many that I must have washed and Mom and Dad's.............. and oh my goodness, the smells........... it takes me back and makes memories come rushing back to me. Happy times.

The other hard part sometimes for me is seeing everyone so happy and going about doing everyday things. I mean, don't they know my dad just died? He did, he really did. I want to drag them down with me. I want them to hurt as much as me. I know many of them have been there themselves. It just seems so odd. You want everyone you see and meet and talk to to get "where you are coming from". You want them to understand. I know that this too is a phase and it will pass. We will get through this.

Guess what else does not feel right? There have been no small people in my house since Sunday night at 7:00 pm. You read that correctly. They have been abducted by their other grandparents and rumor has it that they have spent some time around Austin, Texas. I talked to my sweet baby girl tonight and she was ready to come home. She was home sick. The house is really, really quiet.

My sweet sisters are together in Austin as I type. Hanging out. They will be back in the DFW area tomorrow. I cannot wait for all of us to be together this weekend for Easter. And my kids will get to meet the newest members of the Bailey house. And, I promise, that I will post the pictures of the cake and snow and many other things. I'm just hoping for you guys that these aren't the type of promises that like so many around the Bailey house and abound fall into the category of "broken promises".

Must go take a nice long bubble bath and enjoy the rest time in the house without the small people.

Love always,
Stepahnie