Jill is back from Austin and is at Mom and Dad's today. I sent Jill a text message to ask for updates (the updates are below) This is making my heart sad. My head is in line with what is happening. But it my heart is freaking out. I just know I will not be prepared no matter what. I just want my dad to be back to dad. To look up at me and say "blood sugar" (that meant he wanted to know my blood sugar right now" or to ask "how his babies (grandkids) were doing. And right now he is not Dad at all. I am thankful for the time this weekend where he hugged me and loved on me. Where he asked how Kevin was feeling. Where he told Mom how hard I worked on Friday to take care of me. How he said a prayer and thanked God for me. My heart is just so sad and scared. Please God take good care of Daddy, please don't let him suffer more than he has to. We want him here. You know your plan.
Message from Jill at 3:42 pm
"He has not had anything (food) today and has not had a lucid moment. Doesn't know who I am at all. Just says 'ow. Can u help? And don't do that and stop. ' Won't take meds"
Response text from Steph to Jill
"I am so sorry. Does he know mom or Matt? We need to report this change to hospice and his nurse. I talked to our medical director. He had nothing but good things to say about our
hopsice agency".
Message from Jill at 4:45 pm
"The nurse was here."
Message from Jill at 4:47 pm
He just says "Help me, will you please help me over and over. Can ya help me? Please please." He is not Dad today at all.
Message from Jill at 5:23 pm
"Nurse says he will pass within the month. 24 hours care can come when it is close. Hard to say when that will be."
Message from Jill at 5:27 pm
"Couple of sips of water. He keeps sayin can I go? Can I please go. Will you help me go? I say go where? Go to sleep? Go poop? He says 'I don't know. Ow, ow, ow.' "
Steph's response to Jill
"Jill he might be asking 4 permission to go as in leave this life. Tell him yes he can" (I want to say no don't go really."
Message from Jill at 5:28 pm
"I did just smile at him and he gave me one of his fake smiles. That is the first real reaction I have gotten from him".
Message from Jill at 5:37 pm
"Might cancel Colorado trip if dad doesn't come around. I am going to wait till Wednesday."
Message from Jill at 5:38 pm
"I told him he can go and we will be okay. Told him he can go whenever and wherever he wants."
Keep us very close these next few days.
Stephanie
6 years ago
2 comments:
I'm SOOOO sorry today was so rough. In my own humble, limited experience, it does sound like he's ready to go Home. And it makes you feel so selfish to want him to stay. I know. All he has to do--when he's ready--is let go and God will catch him....and there will be no more confusion, no more pain, no more tears....
I just came from 1020 Majors. Ross went with me and we saw Mike. I held his hand and stroked his hair but I don't think he knew it was me. I asked him if I could do anything for him and he said no. Ross said, "Hey, Bud," and Mike said, "Hey." My heart is so heavy. Shannon talked to the nurse while we were there and was told it is probably time for Crisis Care. Nurse is coming in the morning. The time is very very near. I fell apart and Jill and I cried and cried as did Shannon. A Sunday school precious lady was there dusting and another came and brought meat loaf and some other food. Shannon is very sad but strong. I cried all the way home. I don't know what else to say except that I know he is ready to meet the Lord and we can all be assured of that. God granted him all this time to "get ready." How wonderful is that. My heart is breaking and I can only imagine how you all must feel. I pray God's warm and wonderful love to envelope all. and I thank Him that you have each other and you can lean on each other and hold each other up. I am very close...and love you all: Shannon, Stephanie, Jill, Matthew, Lauren... Aunt Shirley
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