What do you say to the dying? How do you listen to their words and not take them personally. You know this is not something that we have a life script for, that our training growing up gave us any words to use. We can read and read on the sites for hospice to tell us what "kinds" of things to do but that leaves out the element of the fact that each person is so different. So, how to talk and listen is very difficult. I know we need to lean on God. That is something maybe I missed last night and yesterday.
Last night I crashed around midnight. I could not do it anymore. So, I left my sister, Lauren, who had already told me that she could not stay up nights to take care of Dad. I can so imagine because I have been there. She tried to get me up once around 3:30 am and was not successful. I know my sister Jill has done this for about 5 days straight all on her own (with Mom's help), you know the days and the nights and I really don't know how she did it.
And to further support my story of not knowing what to say and talking things personally I share with you this story:
This morning, I have no idea what went on except that Dad wanted to "get up". And, that could mean so many things when he says that. Like he could just mean that he wants to go up in the bed. But you know I think mentally he wants to "get up" and "walk again". So, when he said that today Lauren told him that she could not get him up. And then I don't know what happened after that except as I was laying on the couch I could hear Dad yelling and as I was walking through the den I heard Dad say to Lauren "Go back to Arkansas and don't come back" Ouch. To which Mom replied "Michael!" You know because we all want him to realize how unreasonable he sounds and that is when Dad told mom to "Shut the _________ up". " I mean seriously guys, I know that is not really Dad. But, it is so hard when you hear those things to just not want to pack up your car and go home and never come back. So, when I walked in the room somehow it ended up that we all, me, Lauren and Mom just left the room.
Dad told mom he was going to call the police. I told her fine, let him call them. Seriously, maybe if they took us to jail we would all get maybe 8 hours of sleep. We could all share a cell. Just kidding you guys.
So, while we were all three out in the den, we heard Dad on the phone and here is the conversation "I need the number for elder abuse.............." Everyone else but me was like "GO IN THERE and SEE WHAT HE is Doing". I just let him talk and talk. And the rest of the convesration went like this "Elder abuse? I need to report abuse, yes,............" And he proceeded to give his full name and address and social security number. And then, he hung up. I had gone into the room and this point and started to straighten up a little bit. I was just letting Dad go on and on because he was doing all of this talking into the remote control for the bed adjustment. Lauren is from the den saying "Stephanie" Ha, ha.. okay not so funny. So when I left the room with mom for a minute again to tell them what happened. Dad called "Elder Abuse" back and told them to "hold off for a while".................... Good, you know if they did come out here, I wonder what would they say? You know sometimes I just think Dad needs to vent without anyone else in there with him.
You know right now, there is no reasoning with Dad. I just go along with whatever he says, no matter how right or wrong it is. I feel that there is no point of arguing with him at this point because you cannot reason with him.
I have no ideas what to do right now. I do know this much. That since Luaren and Matt are here I should not be. I should be working, or should I? No one but Gods know how or when the end will be. I will just have to give this to God and let him figure it out for me. Because you know right now I am DONE!
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