Lauren here...
been awhile since I have posted on here. I'm just getting back into the swing of things after being gone what I'm sure seemed forever to those that were at the Bailey house. Sometimes it is just hard to come back here.. knowing that nothing has changed and you know Dad's not going to get better and things will get harder. Its almost for a split moment you aren't the the girl who's father is dying of cancer.
What I'm about to say may sound horrible, but please someone please tell me I'm not alone in feeling/being/thinking this way ...
I sometimes find that I am emotionally detaching myself from my daily life. I don't want to cry in front of other people. I don't want someone to know that I'm hurting too. I guess it is "protecting" everyone else. It is hard to see those that you love hurting and crying. I know that I can come to you sisters and cry, but I don't because it is already hard enough. I have more I could say but I'm afraid it might come out twisted.
I can't believe I leave for school in a week. Everything will seem so foreign such as routine... Granted I will be driving home as soon as classes are over on Fridays and driving back to school on Sundays. Driving will get old.. Um southwest airlines here I come. That means I have to bust my butt while I am at school to not have things to take care of over the weekend and get my other classes from last semester done ASAP. When you think of me at school--Think of a hermit
Today has been pretty OK. I have been cleaning the kitchen for what seems hours. but I mean CLEANING the kitchen. Steph-a-loo would be proud. Jill has been setting up appointments for work so she can get the ball for the new year rolling. Hopefully we can get her home this weekend.
Matt has been chilling with Dad most of the day watching movies. Dad feels the need to call me when he wants toast.. Matt can make toast.. Matt just tip toed out of dad's room.. must mean that Papa bear is napping at the moment, first one all day. oh what to do..
more later.. I'm getting side-tracked..
6 years ago
1 comment:
Dear sweet Lauren, I have thought you appear emotionally detached at times and that's okay but everyone is hurting and please let it out when you need to. Please be honest with your precious sisters and even your mom. Don't hold anything in. I do pray for school and everything with it will go smoothly. God will work it out for you. I must encourage you to be open and honest and do not hold in your feelings. You are not alone. Call me if you need to vent or cry or yell. I am here for all of you. I'm trying to not be a pest and I honestly don't know what to do sometimes.
This season will be over at the appointed time and life will go on and love will go on. You will all be wiser and stronger. Mostly you will realize the power of love.
Aunt Shirley
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