Stephanie here......... I did talk to Dad tonight. He was sleepy. He says he needs about six hours of sleep but only gets about three. I think if you might ask those that take care of him that might be stretching the truth a little bit. I don't think he has slept but maybe two nights more than a few hours a time. I know that would make me exhausted. I see fear; fear of going to sleep and not waking back up to be with us. Dad asked me what his grand kids were up to. I gave him a mini run down and he said he thought I enjoyed being mom right now. That I needed to do that. I agree with him. But why does it feel SO WRONG?
Well I'm home again tonight. I feel like a broken record. Broken being the ultimate word. I'm here at home with my kids doing all the normal things like make dinner and referee fights and oversee homework that 3 months ago I would never have given a second thought to. Now, being home with kids instead of with Dad and my sisters well just feels wrong. I want to be there to see him and talk to him. I just want to touch him and feel him and oh yeah, Dad's favorite stare at him while he sleeps. It seems in my mind a little over the top. Lesson here: Spend all the time you can with those you love so you won't be trying to fit it all in at the end. I don't think that is what I'm doing but I do want to soak up every second even if some of the words on Dad's end are a little grumpy. I would say he is entitled.
Pray for spiritual healing of my papa bear since we cannot heal the rest of him on this earth. I think there are questions he just needs answers to. I hope that whoever can give him those answers shows up soon. Although my spiritual self is struggling because does that mean once that is all resolved he will be ready to leave us?
And on a much happier note Greys is NOT a rerun tonight. Yeah!!!!! It starts in 15 minutes. I am not accustomed to watching live TV so I think I will let it record and have the kids in bed by nine so I can watch it a little delayed. This cough is not going away AND THAT IS BEYOND ANNOYING!
Off to check my blood sugar. If you see my papa tell him that I'm doing so. That would make him proud.
6 years ago
2 comments:
I visited with your papa bear today. It was good. We talked a lot about being assured that the things he is worried about will be taken care of. That God must love him a lot to allow him this time to get close to Him. I won't share everything, just that he loves all of you so much but you already know that. I also told him he was spoiled and he laughed and laughed! I'm going to help him with some things on his list although I don't know what they are yet! And I told him he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING on his list. We talked about God and about how he has everything worked out and that he can trust that. We talked about his salvation which I am sure of. Then before I left I prayed for him and for the peace of God. I called out the name of God, Jehova Shalom, the God of peace. I sang a song. He told me he felt the presence of God and he was quite shocked and asked me if I had ever felt that before. I told him actually maybe once. It was very powerful. He was overtaken with joy and peace. I told him God was using me as a vehicle for his peace to flow. I was amazed but then not surprised at the "preciousness" of God. He loves us and wants to bless us. He definitely blessed Mike and me in a powerful way. I will never forget it. I told him to call out to Jehova Shalom and to stay in his precious peace. It was a blessed and special time. (I suggest you speak softly to him and try to keep busyness and noise to a minimum. I know he wants everyone around but I sense he needs quiet. Someone try to find the CD I gave him by Melva Lea. I think it has her picture on it with a red rose. I think it has a song on there "It is Well with My Soul" -- please play this CD, even at night when he's trying to sleep. It is annointed. He said he would like that song at his service, along with Amazing Grace and "I'll fly Away"!)
I thought he looked much thinner today but seemed to feel pretty good. We talked a long time and then the nurse came! I have assured him that I will do whatver I can and will be availble for all of you whenever you need me. I love you all. Aunt Shirley
Oh, dear Aunt Shirley, thank you for those words and these comments. I am crying..... you are probably right...... he needs calmness and peace but I am scared. I am not ready to let go of him and maybe that is holding him here. I am still praying every day for a miracle.
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