High Anxiety, Hello Mr. Grouchy

Well as you can tell by the tittle of this post things are a little off kilter in the Bailey house this morning. Dad woke up in a pretty good mood. He had toast and coffee and more coffee. He read the paper. He feed toast to the doggies. He and Matt looked through the IKEA catalog to get some ideas for Matt's room. So, how did such a happy day get so out of balance.......

Well..............I think Dad gets annoyed (maybe not the right word) when we are buzzing around the room picking up things and trying to straighten things up and he has a little suggestion, you know maybe a comment or two about what we are doing and we keep on working trying to get to the end result of whatever we are working on, all the while acknowledging our comment in our heads, but just maybe not out loud. To which Dad replies or mumbles something under his breath like "whatever" or "don't listen to me". So frustrating people. Can I tell you that?

I just got done taking a shower and I called my Aunt Pam because it is now almost 11:00 and she was to call when she was on the way. So I found out she had called and talked to Matt. So, I went into Dad's room and told them that Pam was in Kilgore. And then Dad got very irritated with me because "That is so annoying". His words. Irritating to Pam and to him. Meaning that I called Pam and so did he. He thinks I think he is not competent to figure these things out. I told him I wanted to have a status so I COULD BE READY. Lauren came to dry Dad's hair and told him to wipe that scowl off his face. I told him that I wanted to know so I could go buy lunch and we could have that ready but I don't really think he believes me.

And, at this point I really don't care about anyone else in this house. Not literally you guys. But seriously, this is Saturday. A day for FAMILY. A day to be HOME with my kids, hanging out getting ready for basketball games and sleepovers. Not to be in the middle of grouch central and to have to tiptoe around your words and make sure you are saying the right things. Mom is in the process of sweeping and cleaning and trying to find a place for ALL of the extra things in their room that four months ago we did not have to worry about. Things like wound care supplies and pads and gloves and all that jazz. I cannot imagine the frustration of Mom's world and how much she would just like to blink her eyes and go back 2 years to life before CANCER. I would really rather be anywhere else right now than here.

Okay, I feel so much better. Seriously I just wanted to load up my stuff and GO HOME. You know this morning when I got up and coughed Dad's first reply was "GO HOME". To which I replied "GO HOME?" And he said "Yes, go outside, get in car, start it, and go home. Easy, really." He can be such a smart ass. He even wanted to call Kevin to come get me and asked me if he needed to do that. So, sweet. Maybe going home RIGHT NOW is what I should do. But then that would be leaving in a huff and that is never good.

I know Dad is just frustrated and that this is really not Dad talking. That it is the cancer and the fear and the anxiety of the situation. But it is so hard not to bite back and say something really, really ugly. You know really speak your mind.

So, I'm going to the store and get some food for lunch. I think that will make me feel better. And, Mom can continue to clean their room and Dad can hopefully get over his case of the grumpies.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers everyone...... pray that Dad can find peace with his situation ............... his comment to me this morning was "I just want to get up and be a father and not just sit here like a lump." Oh, sweet papa, we do to.................................

Hugs,
Stephanie