That was the message from the Dove Chocolate heart that Hannah opened tonight. Isn't that so true. Sometimes chocolate loves you a little too much!! And speaking of things that you love, I love getting to spend time with my family........... and tonight was totally awesome! Here was my night:
- Pick my kids up from school
- Hurry to get Hannah and Hayden's dinner made
- get Hannah to dance on time.
- Go to Wal-mart and back to dance in under an hour to pick Hannah up. Hayden followed me around with our list marking things off and telling me "Mom that is not on the list". But at least he would write it and add it............. So cute! We got to dance at 7:33. We would have been on time but this Mom caved and let Hayden pick out a toy (for which he will be paying me back for) and that took extra time.
- And then on the way to the car Hayden spotted two one dollar bills. I have to tell you I felt guilty picking it up. But Hayden said: Finders keepers.
- Made pizza for me and my hubby, well mainly for my hubby...... with a glass of wine waiting when he got home from tennis
- Stood around in the kitchen having true family time. The funny for tonight was while at Wal-mart I picked up a magnet for the fridge that had a whole bunch of Valentine words that you could use to make sayings. Hannah was appalled by the word "Sexy" so she took all of those and made a big deal of tossing them in the trash. Seriously, can I just freeze her innocence and not let her grow up anymore? Please?
- Made homemade brownies for the kids. They guilted me into it!
- Helped them get their PJs on and get ready for bed.
- Cleaned up kitchen
- Started a load of laundry
- Cleaned out junk drawer........
- Now 11:26 and kids are sleepting and Kevin is watching a movie. I let them stay up too late......... and no they did not just go to sleep
Most importantly I was just here! Tonight I truly enjoyed my kids. I still feel yucky. Like I could rest for days and days. But tonight I didn't feel like the daughter of a father who has cancer. I felt normal and it felt wonderful. But I did have a little guilt for feeling normal. Jeez, people.
It was just a really cool family night with only a hint of the fact of the reality of the situation creeping way into the back of my mind. I let the reality back in when I called Dad to tell him good night and the reality really hit back home. He sounded so groggy, okay guys, I know he is entitled to be tired. But really he sounded different to me. I told him I was calling to tell him good night and that I loved him. He said Love you too......... hope you have a good night.And I get sad, like the other night when I was loading up my car to go home and he held out his arms to hug me bye and I said "I'll be back after I load my car." And, when I came back I didn't get my hug because he was sleeping. I have this silly feeling that I should blow off work the rest of this week and just go hang and be. I heard from somewhere that Dad wanted to do more radiation. I think the pain is really starting to be awful. I just don't know if that is really even an option. I'm just really trying to live and be so I have no regrets and I know that that might not be possible. I am thankful for those that listen and give me advise. Thank you, thank you!
So, I am going to go drift off to dream land about chocolate and happy thoughts and sweet memories of my papa....................
Good night bloggers! Good night sisters - hope you had as much fun shopping as I did with my family!
Stephanie
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