Trying to Keep my Cool!

Hello again everyone..... I am still at work. No updates from inside Camp Bailey. Sisters? I'm hoping that means you guys are so busy working on work and homework that you don't have time for an update?

All the pressures of work and "getting it all done" are about to make me spout off and same something really ugly to whoever I see next. No, that is not appropriate. Boy can I just see the comments in a performance appraisal for that one. So, my lips will stay sealed and instead I will do silly things like throw ice down the hall and laugh out loud. Laughter is really missing from our daily routine. I know that it does make me feel better at Dad's when he says something funny and we laugh ourselves to tears. Instead of laughing and looking at the joys in my everyday new reality, what I really want to do is make everyone hurt as much as I hurt on the inside. I am so jealous of all of those that have their daddies healthy. I want so much to listen to everyone go ON and ON about what seems to me so trivial (like how work is going or other nonsense), which really normally I would want to know. I just want you to understand my pain and relate to me somehow and tell me it is going to be okay when in reality you know it is going to hurt over and over for a long time. I so hope that makes sense.

I did go on a date lunch today with my hubby and NOT ONCE did we or I talk about my dad or how he was doing or scheduling or how much vacation I am not going to have. We talked about HIM and his clients and customers and it was such a nice breath of fresh air. I know I need to schedule some time to talk to someone professionally about all of this but seriously, do I have time?

I am off to get this work done so I can leave on time. Tuesday nights are homework nights at my house and Hannah has dance and I have a motherboard to return to Fry's. I know I should of done that while I was in Mesquite but I wanted to stay and visit with my Aunt Shirley instead of running errands. Who knows maybe we could of run them together. Kevin has tennis tonight too if the weather holds up. I have to actually look up the time of dance because I have forgotten what time it starts. Okay, I really have to go because now I'm crying and I am not up to answering "What's wrong" from random coworkers.

See you all soon!

Stephanie

Same Story, Different Day

Good morning everyone! Happy Tuesday to you! Hope this finds you well.

Last night as I was leaving work, Dad called me. He had some questions for some of the instructions the nurse gave him last Friday. So, since I have her cell number I called and verified the information. (Yes, I know probably not the proper chain of command for the agency but I really don't care at this point. I am thankful for caller ID) And, I called back and passed the information on to those in charge of Camp Bailey (Jill or Lauren) Gee I can’t remember which sister I talked to. Oh, and Dad’s back hurt. What is new? Take pain meds and turn over. Just about the only thing you can do. Sorry Papa!

And, last night my kids were both at basketball practice and I had the house all to myself. So I went home, made a salad and ate tamales. Too many tamales. My lower back hurt in a weird way last night and I could not get comfortable. God, is this possibly your way of helping me to have empathy for my dad? It was so awesome to just rest! I still have that nasty cough and I feel like crap!

Emotionally, I have a very short fuse. I am tired of this situation. I am ready for something new. Tired of the same old stuff but then thankful for the sweet special memories and hanging on everyone word from papa bear. Want some new perspective. So today I am choosing to be sunny and bright……. Otherwise, I am going to blow. Literally! You know last night, when my kids got home I didn’t even get out of bed to say hello or tell them good night or see how their day went. I just couldn’t. Didn’t have the emotional energy. How sad. I did help Kevin give Hayden his medicine and snuggle with Hayden but that was about all. I keep telling myself that this is only temporary and is not forever. But my heart is not hearing that message.

Make sure you tell sometime that you love them today! Give a hug! Life is way too short!

Stephanie

case of the MONDAYS

Lauren here...

been awhile since I have posted on here. I'm just getting back into the swing of things after being gone what I'm sure seemed forever to those that were at the Bailey house. Sometimes it is just hard to come back here.. knowing that nothing has changed and you know Dad's not going to get better and things will get harder. Its almost for a split moment you aren't the the girl who's father is dying of cancer.

What I'm about to say may sound horrible, but please someone please tell me I'm not alone in feeling/being/thinking this way ...
I sometimes find that I am emotionally detaching myself from my daily life. I don't want to cry in front of other people. I don't want someone to know that I'm hurting too. I guess it is "protecting" everyone else. It is hard to see those that you love hurting and crying. I know that I can come to you sisters and cry, but I don't because it is already hard enough. I have more I could say but I'm afraid it might come out twisted.

I can't believe I leave for school in a week. Everything will seem so foreign such as routine... Granted I will be driving home as soon as classes are over on Fridays and driving back to school on Sundays. Driving will get old.. Um southwest airlines here I come. That means I have to bust my butt while I am at school to not have things to take care of over the weekend and get my other classes from last semester done ASAP. When you think of me at school--Think of a hermit

Today has been pretty OK. I have been cleaning the kitchen for what seems hours. but I mean CLEANING the kitchen. Steph-a-loo would be proud. Jill has been setting up appointments for work so she can get the ball for the new year rolling. Hopefully we can get her home this weekend.

Matt has been chilling with Dad most of the day watching movies. Dad feels the need to call me when he wants toast.. Matt can make toast.. Matt just tip toed out of dad's room.. must mean that Papa bear is napping at the moment, first one all day. oh what to do..

more later.. I'm getting side-tracked..

New Year, not a happy one

Hello everyone..... this weekend was a productive one. At my house, I took down all of the Christmas decorations (still working on the tree), folded and put away laundry and booked Hayden's birthday party. Kevin took down our Christmas lights. On Sunday, my sweet hubby went with me to Mom and Dads and he worked on Dad's to do list which included taking down the Christmas lights, repairing and working on the car port and adding weather stripping to the doors. I went Walgreen's with Matthew and we hit an after Christmas sale on wrapping paper........ 25 cents a roll. I won't need paper for a while. Yeah!

Dad was doing pretty good on Saturday. His sister Pam and her hubby Tim came for a visit. Seriously, Dad is just in better spirits when Pam is around. Or maybe he is just hiding his true self and the meanness for when "company" is not there. But seriously, I wish I could build her a wing on the house and have her stay with us for the duration. Any angels out there that can make that happen that would be great. I need cash people............ we all do!!

On Sunday, Dad seemed to have a little more pain. Not sure why. I talked to him this morning and he sounded groggy (said his mouth was dry). He said he would call me to come rub his legs.

Lauren has nine days before the spring semester starts at school. Oh, the decisions. Oh, how I wish that we could go back in time to October 2006, you know the pre cancer days. I have learned one lesson in all of this is that I will no longer take time for granted. Enjoy your family members no matter how they drive you crazy. Hug your Mom and Dad. Spend time with them when you can. As you will never know what God has in store for tomorrow.

And you know that cancer sucks. I know you all know that. That it worms its way into ever aspect of your life and robs you of almost everything. Something as simple as watching a movie is a little thing that does not happen often at the Bailey House. That is evident by the fact that this weekend when I suggested to Hannah we watch a family movie she says to me "Mommy you are part of this family sort of - you are really part of the Bailey family." So, I guess that is how she sees it.

And, today when I get to work I get at 10:30 meeting request from my boss (mind you it is already 10:39 am) letting me know that in 2008 before I can use Family Leave Medical Act (FLMA) leave (which is unpaid) that I must use ALL but 5 days of Paid Time Off (PTO) days. Which means that I'll have 5 days after to use FOR THE REST OF THIS YEAR.......... So, I guess my family will be going to Hawaii without me.......... And I guess I will not be taking off any time to spend with my kids at Christmas. So, you see Cancer Sucks! Happy New Year to you too!

Stephanie

That's all I know about that

I just got of the phone with dad. He called me to tell me that his sister was on her way. That she had called about 45 minutes ago. He asked about me because he knew that I was a little under the weather. I told him I was doing a little better but I had a little cough. He went on to tell me about the night and that he was up the first half and he slept the second half. He told me that Mom had an issue last night (nothing bad you guys, just some hives) and he thinks they finally got it under control. He even told me he was sure I'd hear more about that.......... gee, does he know his wife or what? We talked about his list of things to do and I asked him if he and Lauren worked on that yesterday. I told him that maybe Kevin might be over later today and he told me that Kevin would probably rather be doing things outside and projects than just sitting. He said he would try and find the list. Sorry Kevin! We talked about the carport and the fact that it needed to be looked at it and he told me that there should be a post propped up by the house and I told him he was right there was one. I went on to explain the summarized version of Kevin's thoughts for making it more secure. He said that it might not help because sometimes Mom runs into it but with her new car not so much. I told him that there was not a security detail for that issue!!! He agreed. I told him that she seemed proud of the new car. He agreed again. He said that Lauren and Jill were fluffing the house for the visits today. He told me that he had had breakfast and done most of his morning routine. Yeah!

And then the dogs started barking and I asked what they could possibly be barking at and dad said and I quote "Somebody could of farted and they would be barking." Now that is funny guys!

And, then he said "That is all I know about that"

And then I said, I would call and let him know my ETA (estimated time of arrival) and he said okay ............. And now, I'm thinking that I've been up long enough and all I want to do is sleep!

So, here's hoping I make the right decision for my health and peace of mind.

Worried Papa

Last night, when I was laying down in Mom and Dad's room and my tummy was hurting (aka CRAMPS, bad ones and maybe stomach issues) Dad says to me:

"I have some medicine you can take, how about some oydose 5 mg?" So sweet that he wanted to make sure I had medicine. However, if I took that much pain stuff I would not be here typing you these words.

And, now it is a worried Stephanie......... just talked to Dad and while he is alert and talking to me he was very sleepy. Said he napped today a little more and he felt rested. Yeah! And psychology wise he felt better, yeah for that too!

Jill and Lauren are together and I'm getting no updates from inside camp Bailey. It is so hard to be away and not be able to observe first hand. I know that I need to be home resting tonight but it is so hard....... I know that when Jill is in Austin we don't give her a play by play but I need that so much. I know when you are there you get wrapped up in taking care of dad and forget the people on the outside. So, I will understand that for now because this is about Papa Bear. But seriously sisters, update the blog!

And the exciting news for all of you Desperate Housewifes fans is that this Sunday is a new epidode.

I am going to go and try and follow doctors orders and my Aunt Shirley and Aunt Pam orders and GO TO SLEEP! Wish me lots of luck!

Stephanie

Diagnosis: Exhaustion

Well, I took Hayden to the doctor, he has a mild bronchitis but nothing major. Got medicine.

The nurse came to see Dad today and talked with him and Lauren for a long time. She added a few new medicines to his routine. Hopefully, he'll take them without making frowny faces to us.

I called the nurse after Lauren texted me that she had left. That goodness for Caller ID because now I have her cell number. Probably not the proper chain of commands for contacting her but thankfully she does not mind and it is not a power that I abuse. I asked her some pretty pointed questions and she had some answers for me and had some good suggestions on how to word talking to dad. She promised that they would be here for us. She said that some of the issues is saying to Dad "Dad I need to do xxxx" instead we could say "Dad would it be okay with you if I sit here and work on xxxx. I will be right here with you but this is going to require total concentration. So, what can I get you before I start working on this? Matt will be right here with you and can get whatever you need while I am concentrating. Would that be okay with you?" This way it feels like he is still in control while the other way feels like we are taking control away. And, there are already so many things that he has lost control over since this happened to him. I asked her if she has seen any other family cases like this and she said that this was one of the extreme cases but we already knew that. Demanding? Yes! Manipulative? Yes......... Loving and worried? Yes too..............

So after much additional evaluation I have found out what is wrong with me: EXHAUSTION!Duh!

The nurse also told me that the symptoms of pure exhaustion can mimic that of flu like symptoms that when she worked the night shift that the nurses would sit in blankets because they had the chills........... ah, if I only would have talked to her today before I wasted 2 hours at my doctor. But at least I have peace of mind that I don't have any true germs that I can spread to my other family members.

Jill is back from Austin........ she told me that before this week (she was home from Monday until today) that since October 18th she has only spent 6 nights at home! Yikes! And, I know that she has been away to sales conference and to see Mark's family but there is NOTHING like sleeping in your own bed and seeing your animals and waking up and getting coffee out of your OWN kitchen. And the sad part of the reality of the conversation is something that I think we are all feeling..... is WE JUST want to stay home and not go back to Dads. We just want to be at our own house. I do get that sense of dread when I have to leave to come to Mom and Dad's not that I don't want to help but I just want my NORMAL back.

Lauren and Jill and Mom and Matt will hold down the watch tonight.

My Aunt Pam might be coming to see Dad tomorrow. I am off to call her and give her a report.

Kevin has left to go to Logan's and get yummy dinner. Take Out, although not the healthiest for me that is one of the other things I am thankful for these days.

Signing off for now.....

Stephanie

Things I am thankful for

I am thankful for:

1. Coffee
2. My sisters, Mom and brother
3. My kids
4. Kraft Mac and Cheese
5. A supportive hubby
6. Helpful Friends
7. My Sweet Aunts
8. My Cousin Amy who listens........
9. Relaxing baths
10. Sleep!
11. Chocolate
12. Papa Bear

Just What the Dr. Ordered - SLEEP

I am home from work today.......... I thought I was really coming down with something like the flu. I just came from the doctor and the good new is that I not have the flu or strep or a urinary tract infection........ I was so worried about spreading germs to the rest of my family and dad. They gave me a prescription for antibiotics and told me to push fluids and rest. So, I am going to do just what the doctor ordered. I know resting is hard to do for all of us walking this walk. Sisters, please don't be too jealous but I am going to sleep ALL day. I'm older than you so I need the rest (ha ha ha). I had the doctor write me a prescription for 7-8 hours of sleep a night. We'll see how that gets filled. . So, I guess my body is finally saying ENOUGH............. jeez guys this is so hard. You know that only God knows the end of time and you can make yourself crazy reviewing dad's day to day symptoms based on the list that our hospice nurse gave us. This process is just so hard to know the end result, to grieve every day while enjoying the good times left......... I hate to say this out loud but God hasn't our papa suffered enough?

Off to rest. I plan on taking Hayden to the doctor today at 3:40 so I have about a few hours to rest.

Thanks to all who have sent us cards and gift cards lately. These are so much appreciated and helpful.

Keep us in your prayers.

Stephanie

Changing of the Guards

Lauren is back from her trip to see Tyler. She is rested and tired all at the same time.

Mom worked today and she ,like me, feels like she is in a walking coma. It is truly amazing that God gives us the strength to function. I'm not sure how.

Dad is very anxious tonight. Well I'm not sure if anxious is the right word. He is upset and letting me know how much he loves me by calling him me over to his beside by saying... "Stephanie Anne" He told me how much he loved me and then the waterworks started on both ends............. And then I told Dad that he was "my person" and that made the waterworks flow even more and then he told me to STOP IT!

My brother in law came over today to look at Matt's computer. Yeah! So we have a plan. Now hopefully it will not cost too much money. Dad visited some with David and had a nice visit.

Matt even watched an entire movie with Dad with Dad's strict instructions that Matt was not allowed to talk too much. So, funny!

And the sucky part is I think I have a fever.......... yes.........100.8...... and I am very scared for any germs I have shared with Dad today. I feel achy and everything.............. but part of it is just you know normal girly stuff.......... I am thankful to my sis for bringing me medicine bedside.

I am going home....... wish me luck driving and telling dad bye. I just want to sleep in my own bed and be able to call my doctor tomorrow and get in with them. I am hoping it is just exhaustion and not any bugs that I can share with anyone here..............

I leave Dad in capable hands with Mom and Lauren and my brother Matt.........

Jill should be back sometime tomorrow, hopefully!

You guys will be just fine!

Hugs!
Stephanie

Brother bear awake........ mom resting....

Okay waking brother bear went as well as can be expected. Mama Bear's cell phone alarm is going off but she is not waking up; but really how can you expect her to when she went to sleep at 2:00 and then got up around 3:15 to move Dad up in the bed????. Now all the lights are on in the room and she is still snoozing.............. I don't know if she plans on going to work today or not. Matt is in there with Dad and I wish I could lock him in so I could rest and know that someone was staying with Dad....... I think I will take the air mattress back into the living room and that way I can hear what is going on. What do you guys think about that plan?



Oh, I know what. Maggie the dog got a bath the other day so she is back on the approved visitor list so she can come into Mom and Dad's room and play with Mom. Last night she was adorable. Dad even saved her some cheez its and when she came back into the room Dad found the cheezits he had wrapped in a tissue and gave them to her. So cute. If I remember, I will try and post the picture I took of her last night. She has the look that I think we all feel........ seriously can we just get some sleep?

Off to get some caffeine.

Stephanie

NO sleep for Papa Bear?

Hello fellow blog readers......... Stephanie here..... it is 5 in the morning on Thursday, I think, I have not been home since Monday morning................ I am running out of cute PJs to wear to keep me warm and fuzzy and happy.............. Seriously, I see laundry on my to do list; along with calling my boss to explain that I will not be there again today. I hope that they continue to be accepting of my absences..............

Dad had toast this morning at around 2:30 am and then we started his new movie Legally Blond and then I went and got some Cheezits and then he wanted a coke and then he needed better reading light for reading his magazines. I know I dozed in the chair beside him and then finally around 5:00 I climbed into bed with mom.......... I am now up in hopes that I can get my brother up to make coffee and sit with Dad so I can rest solid for 2 hours.......... although at this point I don't really know that 2 hours will make that much difference................. Dad really said he liked those little cheez it crackers......... it is so funny the things he finally eats that taste good. You know you hate to force your wishes on but I so wish he would doze solid.

Dad talked to Jill just now........... I told him that she said she would be up at 5:00 to work and should be done working at 7:00................. He wanted to make sure we had fresh coffee for her............. so sweet except she is in Austin...........

I hope that this post even makes sense

Wish me luck on waking brother bear!

Stephanie

Sleep, no.......... Pain, yes

Yes, you read the time correctly 2:19 am and Mom, me and Dad are still awake. Dad does not require sleep at all. I think he likes to visit with us and enjoys our company. I have many funny stories from the last few days but I am only supposed to be getting Mom a glass of water before we all attempt to tuck in and go to sleep. When Dad does sleep at the most it is only for about 2 hours at a time. He made some comment tonight about dying but he is not ready to go and I would agree. His will to be here is incredible. His pain today seemed to be a little more. He can be so stubborn sometimes when it comes to taking the medicine we suggest. He does not want to be out of it. And I guess I can understand his fear because sometimes we need him to rest so we can to.

Lauren's school spring semester starts in a few weeks. Jill has lots and lots of catching up to do at work. Mom is trying to balance the whole caregiver.

Being summoned bye!

Happy New Year!`

Happy New Year Everyone.

Last night, Dad snoozed 7:45 pm to about 11:30 pm and seriously, in hindsight we should of done the same. But we were making other family memories and playing chicken foot dominoes and celebrating the new year with:

• Mom
• Hannah & Hayden
• Kevin & Stephanie and
• Of course, Chef Matt

Kevin came over last night about 8:00...... he was delayed by a flat tire in a not so flattering part of Dallas.... I am thankful he was safe! We had queso, pizza, onion dip and chips and ranch dip and veggies. And of course olives for Hannah. And most importantly Kraft Mac and Cheese for Dad.

Dad woke up from his cat nap and of course even though we checked on him more times than I can count he woke up alone and was not surrounded by anyone when he woke up. Mom was sitting beside him in the chair when he fell asleep and so I guess he thought she should still be there when he woke up. However, there was a HUGE pile of covers on the bed and I'm guessing he thought that that was me (Stephanie) not answering him........ That was fun (NOT!).

Kevin and the kids spent the night. The kids rang in the new year and watched the ball drop in New York and did the count down to ring in the new year in Dallas, Texas. I am so thankful Kevin was here today............ the things he did are too numerous to list here. And although I did not really show my appreciation for him being here because I was tired and cranky (you try going to bed at 4:45 and getting up at 5;30 and then sleeping from 8:00 to 10:00 and tell me how SWEET you can be)........... and for breakfast all I wanted was eggs and bacon and Dad said that the bacon will stink up the place too much.................... Anyhow, back to all of the things that Kevin did today for me:

1. Made eggs
2. Helped the kids fix pancakes
3. Made my Dad mac and cheese to which he replied "it is perfect"
4. Made chili
5. Made Blacked Eyed Peas for Mom and me
6. Played with the kids
7. Visited with Matt and visited with Matt
8. Got Lauren's car to start
9. Brought me breakfast
10. Brought me coffee, that is important!
11. And most importantly he was JUST HERE........... enough said

So, Kevin, this is thank you more than you'll ever know.

So know............. the bad news......... Lauren is not coming back from Arkansas today like we thought and I'm sure now that Dad knows this but he hasn't been officially told. I know this time is hard but I just wish we would have known what was going on so that we could of prepared better and I could of told my boss I would not be there on Wednesday.

Jill should probably be back tomorrow too. She is scheduled to depart Austin at 10:00 am. She might stay until Thursday. Thursday is the day the kids go back to school. I know Kevin is excited about that part. I mean how many questions and questions can you answer from one sweet six year old boy?

Well I have many more stories about the last few days but I need to get a nap in before the all nighter part two. Matt just came in and said that Dad wanted to see me before my nap and I know he is going to ask me about Lauren's plans.

Off to take Dad and Mom some black eyed peas!

Wish me lots of luck!

Stephanie

Never Wake a Sleeping Bear

This is so true..... not matter how much you want to see it. That is Stephanie yesterday around 3:00; Dad was sleeping so soundly and you know they say that that is one thing that might change; that you might not be able to wake him up. And then after I did wake him - one true reason was because it was time for his meds the other reason was I just wanted him to WAKE UP! After he woke up, I realized my mistake because he was so disoriented, he tried to drink the lotion and plug his cell phone charger into the post it notes, and splash water all over his bed (which he later claimed to mom that he was trying to splash water on his face). Okay, so maybe I was misunderstood. Anyhow, Mom was trying to make some many needed phone calls to various places, oh how the little things get away from us in a time like this and when she asked if me if Dad was still sleeping and I said no, I woke him up, she said "Why". I seriously 2nd that motion.

That is a mistake I will not make again.

Stephanie learned her lesson!

New Years Eve

Happy News Years Eve!!! Stephanie here....... the kids and I are over at Mom and Dad's today. Jill is off for Austin, she left around 1:30, I pray for safe travels for her and NO traffic. I will miss her gentle touch with papa bear but knows she needs to be home SO much.

Lauren is in Hot Springs........ Dad called her about 11:30 and the conveseration on this end went something like this:

Dad: You up yet? Don't be grumpy... Well you said "WHAT!" What are your plans............
I need to know........
Okay sorry my mistake........

And, then he hung up on her...... gee the gulit trips and confusion are many. It is so frustrating sometimes trying to leave and have him comfortable and not worry.

I am thankful today for Federal Express, they delivered a bunch of medicines (yea!). We've added one additional med for anxiety....... And it seems to be working really well.

TWAS the Night Before the New Year

Twas the day before the New Year
and all through the house
The doggies were stirring, but yet they were fed
Papa Bear was snuggled and comfy in bed
The dishes were hung all over, the kitchen a mess
Hannah in a beautiful nightgown dress
Matt is shopping for a New Years Eve Feast!
So, Happy New Year's Eve to all and all to all a good night!

Okay, so a poet I am not............ Hannah helped me a little bit but she left to go play Moon Sand with her brother.............................. Now she is back so maybe we can fix this poem up a little bit more.

I am off to find the kitchen so I can actually make pancakes and the counters can be cleaned off for when Matt gets home from the store. Jill promised me that the kitchen was clean last night. It just takes a few minutes for it to get messed up. And it is even harder when cleaning it back up is not the number one priority. Here's hoping my prince comes over to see me tonight at Mom and Dad's. Which reminds me I need to call and let him know I made arranagments for our puppy doggy.........

Later!
Stephanie

SCATTEGORIES

Scattered, that is how I feel today......... well pulled in many directions and not really putting 100% in anywhere. Last night after my post the kids and Kevin and I played the game Scattegories. It was fun and felt normal and like for a second you could forget your true reality.

However, today......... my heart was back to it................Today we were invited over to one of Kevin's friends for his daughters birthday. And, my heart wanted to go but I was feeling selfish because I do not get much time at home and I just wanted to do normal things here. Hayden and me have had a little cold and so we decided it would not be good to share those germs with anyone else. Happy Birthday Sara! We will put your gift in the mail. And, thanks to Amy and Aunt Shirley for listening to me work things out in my mind. So, we had a really good day at home. I'm embarrassed to say that I never got out of my PJ's either........... I haven't really gotten all that much accomplished. My body is just moving in very slow motion. Right now, Kevin and Hannah are watching the New England Game and Mr. is finally in the tub.

Lauren has left for Arkansas. And, before she left Dad told her that "Jill will drive me to Texarkana to have coffee with you and Tyler." Apparently Dad really wants to meet this Tyler guy! Too funny. Dad has been really chatty these last few days. And he has told Lauren a few things that make you sad............... But I am so thankful that he is still Dad........... you know making lists and making sure that things are all in order.

Jill is leaving probably Monday for Austin........... that means it will be me and Mom for the weekend. I know we will do just fine but I can't help it that I am a little nervous. Dad just seems to not be so anxious with Jill or Lauren there. I know that is not anything against us personally but it does make you feel a little under qualified for the job.

And, for New Years.......... I would like for the plan to be that MY ENTIRE FAMILY stays with me New Years Eve at my mom and dads............ I just need to let my sweet hubby know that. And I also need to figure out someone to look after our doggie. It will all work out just fine.......... Sweet dear hubby if you are reading please know that this would mean the world to me to have YOU and MY KIDS with me on NEW YEARS and to have you guys there.

Off to get Mr. Hayden out of the tub! And, the laundry is calling too........

Stephanie

Hiding Out

Stephanie here, yes, again......... coming here to this keyboard helps me so much. I get to write and yell and rant and the keyboard totally understands me. There is no judgement or anything....... It does not talk......... it just listens...........

So, it is 9:45 and instead of hanging out with my kids that I rarely get to see I am hiding out upstairs in the game room.......... why might you ask? I have no idea......... because I really don't seem them much. I can sense frustration with me in my house. Dear hubby please know that I am doing my best here. It just feels so good to just hide........ then if you hide then maybe this hell we live in every day is not a reality. Okay, I know that that is not true but it feels safe up here in the game room. And, that makes no sense but you would think it would be more helpful to be with my kids and those that love me............... And while I'm on the subject of family who loves me I have to give a shout out to the one that loves me the most (well at least I hope he does). He made us dinner and he just brought me a cup of coffee up here in my hide out. Well, maybe that wasn't love, maybe that was a plea to please come downstairs with these crazy animals...... oops I mean kids. I think I can hear the craziness all the way up here with the door closed. You know I am ready to cuddle and read them a story and relax with them but I know that they need much more from me. Like to do all of the things that I used to do with them........ okay I have no idea what that might have been....... does my memory go back that far?

Anyhow, most importantly, what do you think of the new colors? It is winter wonderland with a twist of St. Patricks Day. Because my Daddy's birthday is in March.

Anyhow, I promise I am going downstairs to play with my kids. I'll report back tomorrow.

OKAY, you've convinced me and guilted me dear keyboard......... I'm going!!!

Back at Work..... thankful for friends!

Hello everyone...... Stephanie here....... talked to Dad on my way to lunch today. He sounded very sleepy. Did not get much of a report yet from Lauren or Jill.......... guess no news is good news.

I am back at work from lunch. I am very thankful and grateful for friends that offer to meet you for lunch during their busy work schedule and buy you lunch and listen to you go on and on about everything that is happening. Thank you, thank you Stacey so much for your emotional support. It means more to me than you will ever know.

And, for those of you wondering about Christmas and if Lauren and I ever got our Hall Pass to go Christmas shopping and help Santa out........ well, we did at about 1:00 am on Friday before Christmas........... we finally got to go by offering to drive two cars and have our cell phones ready to go and be back in no less than 10 minutes from when he called............ and it is sad to say that Saturday before Christmas at 2:30 am I was back shopping at Wal-mart for a few more things....... and Saturday night I got to go to the mall after Kevin and I hosted Kevin's family Christmas. And, truth be told I should have taken a bubble bath and gone to bed but you guys will never know how much therapy it was to walk around the mall and go to all the places you normally do at Christmas time.

Okay, I have gone way off track........... seriously.............. the Vice President of my department has asked for my help on a project today................ so seriously................. pray for FOCUS today.............. if anyone has any spare ritalin, can you drop one by?

Later!

Stephanie

Curtains Finished

Forgot to add that thanks to my dear sister Jill, the curtains are hung in the room with care and hopefully all will like them

Have a great day everyone and a safe new year!

When I wake up...........

Dad seemed to have a much better day yesterday. The day before he seemed to have a lot more pain. At least yesterday his pain was tolerable. The nurse came yesterday and we made some additional changes to his medicine routine to hopefully try to stay ahead of the pain. Well, the nurse to you and me but toDad that is Louie the Lip (funny, but I guess you just had to be there....... yesterday when I said "Dad, we did not get our afternoon nap..... he says "I know because of Louie the Lip kept talking (meaning the nurse)..... I got belly pain from laughing so hard.......... Lauren and I both did.................

Dad is still eating Kraft Mac and Cheese and Toast with apple jelly. Not much else really sounds good to him. Although, he did have some cookies with milk for a late bedtime snack. These cookies are the ones that got us so excited when he was in the hospital because he had not eaten for days and so he ate these chocolate wafer cookies.... so Jill brought him one and left it in a suggestive way on his tray and he ate it and asked for a few more...... yeah! Of course, yes....... if you ask it was HIS idea. We are thankful that he is still wanting food, even though sometimes it is us suggesting the food. But of course, we always make him think it is HIS idea.

I got up yesterday at 6:30 am after getting a Good Morning text message from my dear sister Lauren. I am so thankful for my sisters. They work so hard to care for my Dad when I cannot be there. They are so awesome. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers! So back to yesterday morning........ after getting the text message and laying there thinking....... gee, I really want to SLEEP more, I literally put on my crocs and got in the car with sweatshirt over PJs and headed to Dad's for the morning shift. Silly, I know but it worked!My visit with Dad was good. I did lots of leg and foot rubbing. Those legs give him so much pain. Lauren is trying to come down with a cold or something. So, yesterday I think with all of the meds that she and I were both on we both felt like we were moving in slow motion. Dad at one point even said to me "What is WRONG with you today"? Gee, do you think it might be the cough medicine with codiene?

And, then there were the curtains....... Santa brought new bedding and curtains for Mom and Dad's room. So, the curtains had a valance and sheers. So, that meant a change in the curtain rods.......... So......... mom bought one set of curtain rods but neither of them liked those.... So, Dad says as he points to the curtains........ "When I wake up next, I want those finished (meaning the curtains hung on the correct rods)........... So, you can see he is still up to making sure the house is fixed up nicely and correctly I might add........ and since he never did nap in the afternoon, no one was able to get curtain rods................ and so, I finally went to Home Depot last night at 8:15 and got them. And while I was out Dad called me twice to check on me. And the first time he called me he asked me where I was and I told him I was at Michaels (oops, not an authorized stop) and he told me to come home! Funny............ and all I could think about was how cool it was that I was still actually able to get a call from my Dad............

I am feeling somewhat better but still not 100%. Thankfully, the past two nights I got some much needed rest.

And the funny of the day was when I first got to Mom and Dad's Dad says to me......... "Stephanie, later in the day if I get mean, just slap me." Okay sure dad........

Happy New Year to all of you!
Stephanie

Christmas...........

Stephanie here...........



I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season with your families!



The holidays are over....... it hardly seems like it though....... We all made it through.... we celebrated with Mom and Dad........ We gathered in Dad's room and opened presents...... we took lots of pictures.......... Dad gave all of us some sparkly jewelry........ Santa visited my kids. I hosted 30 plus people on Saturday and survived..............



Jill gave me some picture coasters........ I opened them up and on top was a picture of Dad pre cancer............ I cried........ Lauren cried..........Jill cried.........



Today, I am at the office..... I have a sinus infection and feel very terrible..... Jill left today for San Angelo to see Mark's family. Mom is at the office and Lauren is tired but thankfully taking care of Dad. Hopefully Matt is not MIA at all today. Bubba, your sister will not have much love for you if so............... I am about to call and check in with them. There is SO much to do for year end here............. And, yet, it does all seem so trivial compared to what we are going through.



Dad's pain seems to be getting somewhat worse. We are managing it the best we can. He is sleepy and naps more often. I don't really know what to make of that. Is it a sign or is he just tired?



Keep us close these next few days..........



Happy New Year.........

Help the Holidays are coming

Stephanie here....... I am supposed to be on my way to Dad's house. However, Kevin and I finally had a chance to sit down and talk to figure out what all we need to buy for Christmas. And, Hannah has a friend over. And they invited the boy from that lives behind us to play with them. His name is Troy and he is in their grade. And, he is a really sweet boy but OH, vey I am SO not ready for the whole boy thing. Dad will be happy to hear that I am getting paid back for my craziness as a little girl!! Geez..... is that saying really true?

And, to make matters worse I am coming down with a cold. I think it is just sinuses or something but I just want to rest.

Hopefully Lauren and I will get our nightly hall pass to do some shopping VERY late tonight. Sister, I took your advise I of course I spent more than my 15 minutes but I do have a very detailed list of what all I need to get. Wish us luck~

Anyhow.............

Loading up my car sister! I promise!

Will post more when I get to Dad's house. Apparently, one of his business associatates is coming to see him tomorrow so we all know how much Dad likes the house to be neat and tidy and "fluffed" as Dad would say.

Don't worry sister........ it will get done! Please hide the cookies though I do not want to be tempted!

Love to all!

Stephanie

oh the holidays...

Lauren here...

Jill, Matt, and I finished baking the rest of the Christmas cookies. But not to fear, more will be freshly baked for Jolly ol' St. Nick on Christmas Eve. Girls gotta believe in a Christmas miracle :)

Speaking of Santa.. a SMALL amount of shopping was done last night. Jill and I had many things on our agenda, but we were constantly getting sidetracked.. imagine that? But the point is, we made it out of there with a few presents.

Dad fell asleep about 1:30am ( he snoozed a little prior to that) and woke up about 3:30am. Poor momma bear. I know she has to be exhausted. For Christmas I would like to get her lots of rest.. Where do they sell that? She works so hard for us. Jill got up about 4:00 to help Mom out and got back to sleep about 6:30 and I let her snooze til about 9:30. I woke up at 7 to sit with dad and watch the news. Wow it is almost 11:30... where did the time go?

Oh what to do today... paint some ornaments? do some laundry? clean the house? make phone calls? clean the kitchen?
wretched "to do" list
leave me alone :)

Jill is about to be leaving on jet plane... and Mom is going to take her on her way to work. Just Matt and I to hold down the fort.

Dad is snoozing so I better get to being productive before I hear the "hello" "hey"
... maybe I should go ahead and have some Mac n cheese ready for when he wakes up

oodles of love

Stop Meddling in my Business!

Stephanie here......

Last night as I was wrapping up at work, my cell phone went off. When I picked it up the display read "Dad's Cell". My heart did a pitter patter, you know the kid of pitter patter you get as a little kid. After all Daddy is calling. My heart also dropped as I wondered what he might need, did he need me? I answered the phone and his first question to me was .......... "Are you pissed at me?" Oh my goodness Dad no........ I guess I had not called him in a few days (after all it was Wednesday) and I saw him last on Sunday. So he thought I might be mad at him? Heavens no! I love you papa bear. We spent about 30 minutes talking about his day. How the nurse had been by and they had a discussion about some new medications and how his wounds were all looking so good, she was impressed! We talked about the fact that Jill was leaving and would not be back until Sunday. I reminded him that she would be back on Saturday night. We had lots of small talk that I will forever cherish about the ins and outs of both of our days. It was so nice to be back in time to the old dad.

Then............. I was wrapping a few presents in my bedroom last night when I heard my cell phone buzzing in my coat pocket..... and you know you get that dread in your heart when your phone rings that late. And so I didn't get to it in time and I saw I had missed call from Dad. I called him back and he asked me why I did not call him when I got home? Huh? Was I supposed to? And then I wasn't sure if he thought he was calling Lauren and Jill who happened to be out shopping. And then you hear Mom is the background waking up. I'm guessing he woke up from his sleep and was a little disoriented. So, when Mom questioned him he was BUSTED and so he quickly hung up (ha!)!! I called them back to check in on the regular house phone and talked to Matt who was up at that hour of the night. I was shocked. Then Matt gave dad the phone and the conversation went something like this:

Dad: "What are you doing calling SO late?"
Me: Just calling to check on you guys, you just called me.
Dad: I did?
Me: Yes
Dad: I personally called you?
Me: Yes, I was just checking in to make sure you guys were okay.
Dad: We just woke up from a deep sleep, me and mom............... my cell phone was in water.
Me: big sigh......... Told dad I was airing out my house from the paint fumes and it seems he did not remember our earlier conversation and I was jolted back into our reality.

Fast forward to today. I called dad about 10:30 to say hello. He didn't answer but quickly called me back on his cell. Yeah! He said he did not sleep well last night that Mom was dozing and he was trying to get a nap in. I asked him what the plans for the day were and he said to catch up on some rest and I asked about the rest of the day and he reminded me Jill was leaving and that for anything else I would have to ask my sisters!

I then called Lauren to check in and he heard us talking......... Lauren said to me "Try to get as much as you can done." Dad chimed in "Yes, like talking to your painters." To which I replied, "Yes, stop meddling in my business......... " To which Dad replied "Like you don't meddle in mine, HA HA!" Love those little Dadisms and comments............ love them.

I am at home today.............. painters and window cleaners and house cleaners all getting ready for me to host Kevin's extended family Christmas. Hannah and Hayden's school holiday parties are today at 2:00 so I need to be at the school at 1:45. It is now almost noon and have a million things to do on my do list.

Now I have even less time........... am off to pack for Mom and Dad's, clean up the game room, make a list for Wal-mart and get ready for the school parties.

Wish me luck!
Stephanie

Dad is great...giving us the chocolate cake!

Lauren here...

It has been a busy morning.

Dad slept a little more last night. He had his usual toast this morning and had some coffee. I just finished doing some PT on his legs and got him comfy. He just fell asleep watching The View. I think its so funny how he watches this show now. In about 20 minutes it will be switched over to HGTV so Dad doesn't wake up to horrible TV soap operas.
We are trying to get Mom off to work.
And she is off..

Hi everyone. Jill here. Dad fell asleep about 1 last night, but just as I dozed off he called. He was up from 2-3 and slept until 5:20, but I convinced him that it was too early to get up and we went back to sleep until around 7. I started feeling not so good then and Mom got up with him and made toast and coffee. The people came around 8:30 to put in new insulation and then Lauren took over with dad so I could lay back down and doze and get rid of my headache. Yay for cold medicine! And yay for sisters who bring it to you so you don't have to get up...

Lauren back..

we now have lots of insulation in the attic. the guy blew an extra thick layer.. so we should be warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer without an electric bill through the roof..

Maggie is trying to help me write this post and by trying to help me write it, I mean she is trying to wriggle me out of this chair so she can have it. RUDE. :) Now she is annoying Jill in her chair starting a chain reaction bark... She is not happy with something going on outside

OH the things we need to do today.. wait.. what is it that we need to do? hmm

more later

Quote for the Day & Question of the Day

Stephanie here.........

Got this quote of the day in my e-mail this morning..................

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a lifespent doing nothing."George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)Irish playwright & critic

We are all doing something.............

I have no updates from the Bailey House......... I could bore you with all of the things right now in the Lewis house but I know that is not what you really are reading for.......... I am missing my papa so much...... these last few days being at home have been a nice distraction but the reality of the situation is ever so raw and is at the top of my thoughts.................

The question of the day............. answer all of you who read is this............ Are you done with your Christmas shopping? And if so, are ALL your presents wrapped?

AND DAD MADE US EAT THIS...

Lauren here...

Matt is running some errands for us. Dad, Jill, Maggie, and Laddie are snoozing. Dad didn't sleep much last night.. We went to bed around 4am and he woke up at 5:30. Tried to get him comfortable. He had some toast. Jill came and relieved me about 7:30 so I could get a little more sleep. I think we both slept about 31/2 hours. yay :)
We snoozed this morning while dad snoozed.
Matt went to Fry's this morning and found Bill Cosby Himself!! We have been looking for that. We always quote it and I know Dad gets a kick out of it. We were all in there watching it and we got dad fluffed and primped and pretty for the day. I think that relaxed him and he was sitting there laughing and enjoying Bill Cosby. Its a good day when Dad is smiling and laughing. Those are the moments you use to get through the ones that aren't so easy.
Jill and I are waiting (not patiently) for our ornaments to dry so we can paint them!!! Crap Laddie just barked.. talk about disturbing the peace. Dad please still be asleep... please still be asleep..
Matt is almost home with some groceries and we are going to try and make some sugar cookie dough.. Matt keeps joking that we are not going to get it made until christmas eve at 11 o'clock at night like we do every year. At least we are consistent?? :p

more later..
XOXO

Ah, Yes, the "to do" lists

Stephanie here.......... I am working today............. It is somewhat nice to "get away" from our new reality of what life is now in Bailey Land...... to do mundane things like receive a HUGE tin of chocolates from your boss (yes, it is for the WHOLE department and NO sisters I am NOT eating any!).................. And, you know the saddest part of receiving the tin of chocolates (Hersheys I might add) is that I thought in the back of my mind that I could grab some and put them in the kid's stockings because I have purchased NOTHING for their stockings........ I am away but I still feel like I should be there with Dad seeing him and loving on him.......... I miss it when I am not there............ even if all I do is bring him one little thing....... I feel like so much more of my help and support is for my precious momma lately........... I really feel I need to take care of her...........

And Lauren eluded to the "to do" lists...... you know the lists of things that need to be done but you never seem to have the time and when you do have the time you don't have the energy, whether it be physical or mental.......... I did manage to get a few things marked off my "to do" lists last night. I cleaned up Hayden's closet and made fudge for the teachers and got b0oks together for the book exchange at their school and made a shopping list for Kevin to get some gift cards for this weekend..................... But if you saw my to do list you would know that that did not even make a dent...........

Santa came early to our house this year. We have a new light fixture in our breakfast nook to replace the broken ugly fan and a new ceiling fan in our bedroom. We also have beautiful new leather chairs for our empty room...........

And, it is only a few days until I host 30 plus people at my house for Christmas.........

So, the to do list continues.....

Is there sugar in syrup? ... then YES

Lauren here... and if you can't tell from my titles.. I LOVE the movie ELF (Jill and I both) and we have been watching it while attempting to be crafty.

Jill, Dad, Lauren-- still awake

We successfully cut out homemade ornaments to decorate.. something to mark off our "to-do" list that forever haunts us.

Dad had a pretty good evening. Had some KRAFT mac n cheese and had a late night snack of PREMIUM crackers and butter with a Coke. He was patient with Jill and I because we wanted to finish up the ornament making, but he was sleeping when we started and then woke up. I checked on him frequently and showed him pictures on my camera of what we were doing in the kitchen. He seemed to enjoy seeing the pretty things we were making.
And yet again it is after 3 AM and we are not sleeping. We are doing crafts :)

Jill and I just finished a mug full of hot dark chocolate and marshmallows (Laddie had to wake up and have a few) which Dad so graciously allowed us to finish as well.

We are in process of getting him comfy and ready for sleep.
better jet off and help and then myself into bed.

love you all..
good night

"I love smiling, smilings my favorite"

Lauren here..

Jill has a cold.. she is miserable and wearing a rather stylish surgical mask.. I got to experience that while dad was in the hospital .. yay... Matt went this morning and got her some medicine and she seems to be feeling better.

Dad just chilled out this morning. Had some toast and milk around 6am and just did his morning routine of watching the news on TV and reading the paper. Dad said he would try malt o meal again around 9... bleh.. had wheat toast w/ apple jelly instead, oh and don't assume he always wants milk with it.. :)
I watched The View with him and then we switched to HGTV.. I don't know if any of you watch HGTV but it SUCKS YOU IN...
Dad took a bit of nap today until wakened by the barks of Laddie.. Jill was not happy with Laddie.
Dad was a little anxious but he is better now. He had some mac n cheese and we got him comfy watching some more HGTV.
Jill and I got showered and somewhat ready for the day. Bout to take a trip to Fed-Ex and a few other places to try and get some christmas spirit going on in the house. (YAY we get to mark things off our often failed "to-do" list)
Mom is home taking care of business and Maggie is helping us all as usual.

Weekends Over, It's Monday Again

Stephanie here, Here is our short Monday update.........

Friday

Dad's sisters headed home........ thank you for all your help!!! We will miss you!

Mark arrived in Dallas. Jill picked him up from the airport. Stephanie got a much needed haircut and hair makeover. So far, everyone likes it. Lauren left to go back to school for a few days....... Matt and I hung out with Dad Friday night and Jill and Mark got to go to the Studio Movie Grill and Mom got to have dinner with her sister. Dad had a little more pain that came about Friday evening into Saturday night. He gets anxious when those who he relies on mostly (which can change) are not there.

I went home Friday night (well Saturday morning) and rested (sort of).

Saturday

Dad's pain continued pretty much throughout the night Friday into Saturday. We called the nurse and got a better plan for managing the pain. Pain scares me though because I wonder what this cancer is doing inside his body and why does he have pain. Pain is not good in my book.

Saturday I made cookies with my kids instead of doing the other things that I really should have been doing so I got farther and farther behind on everything. So, if I've promised something recently, know that it is on a to do list somewhere and it will get done eventually. The good news is that I picked out a new ceiling fan and light fixture for my house that hopefully will get installed today........... you know, because I am hosting Christmas on Saturday!!!! I know, I know...............

Mom went to her Sunday School Christmas Party.

Hannah and I went and spent the night Saturday night. Jill got him super comfortable and he only woke up once for toast around 2:45. He went back to sleep and slept (well at least I did) from 3:30 until about 7:30. Yeah!!!!

Sunday

Dad woke up at 7:30 and said he was hungry........ I have not even heard him utter those words in this journey. Jill made him toast. Mom and I went to church and Mom got to go to Sunday School and out to lunch with her Sunday School class. Mark left to go back to Austin. The house is finally completely decorated and the boxes of decorations are stored. That process was very long and drawn out. You know you know what needs to be done but all you really WANT to do is sit and DO absolutely nothing.

Shirley came over and brought us dinner and did her magic in the kitchen. Thank you again!

So the important things to remember

• Lauren got to see her friends and she finished one class
• Mom got to see her friends and family
• Jill got to see Mark
• Lauren and Jill got in some more retail therapy last night
• Stephanie is well, somewhat rested and trying to get organized on what HAS to be done! This year is a special year.
• We have each other

That is the weekend update. I have not heard any news today so I'll wait for Jill or Lauren to update!

Seriosly......Christmas is 11 days from now

Seriously......

This is not a happy post.......... it is a rant.......... a "get the feeling off your chest" entry so, if you continue reading know that you were warned!

Seriously.................

How can we keep up at this pace? We are working very hard. We are doing the right things; then how come sometimes it feels so wrong and we feel so robbed of normalcy and the little things. We are trying to come up with a schedule to say that only these people take care of Dad at these times but when you are here you feel so drawn to help; because it is your Dad and because it is so hard to distance yourself emotionally from the whole thing. It is not like going to work and leaving when you are off duty. However, I think that this weekend with Lauren is back and Mark is back in Austin that we need to have a family conference to figure out a better plan so that Jill's work gets done; Lauren has time for school work and so on and so forth.......... And, you know that makes it so much harder to "schedule" because having to have a schedule just makes this realitiy that much more raw and the wounds hurt so much more. And, you feel even more robbed and cheated of your old life. You know the life before October 18 when you took even the smallest of things for granted, like: Sleeping a full 8 hours or drinking an entire cup of coffee hot or going to the movies without having to stage a national production or feel guilty.

Sleeping does not come much...............

Dad slept last night from 1:30 to about 3:30; I did not go to sleep until 2:00 ish; he was up and then we napped for about 1 hour. I even took Mom's phone for her "alarm" clock and put it in the other room because seriously, do we HAVE to get up and get ready for work? Sersiously? We needed to rest. It is just so hard because Dad does not seem, for whatever reason, to rest for long periods of time. Because he longs for our companionshiop and support and he told me that he can handle everything that is happening he just can't handle doing it alone. So, in the wee hours of the morning I am going to try and remember that that I cannot imagine what it must be like for him. Still the loving husband and worrying dad but then still on the other hand so dependent on us......... I know that I could just get him comfortable and go back to sleep in the night but I want to visit with him and make these special memories with him and hold on to him even though to the outsider that seems absolutely crazy right now..............

He is comfortable and not in pain and for that we are thankful. His sisters are back visiting today and I really think that that boosts his spirits. Guys, you don't know how much we appreciate everything you have done and your visits and the love for our family.

And Seriously...................... there is only 11 shopping days until Christmas......... I have not even really done any shopping........... I am hosting an extended family Christmas one weekend from now at my house (not a Bailey or Wilcox thingy) and did you hear me correctly?? I have not bought anything for the holidays, we'll I've at least purchased for the extended family event but Santa hasn't shopped, well he did buy one present and Santa has no stocking stuffers........... and the crazy sersiously part is that this year I really don't care if we have all the presents and craziness....... I just want a few gifts for the kids and to be together with coffee and pie and not worry about all of the other stuff like what to buy for those that already have too much... It just seems to crazy. And right now, I can't even make it a distraction.

NOW I FEEL SO much better......... thanks for listening (if you read this far)........

Mom's hair person just called and she has a 1:30 so I could get my haircut, that would make me feel so much better........ but then I'll miss more of my "have toos" for today............

Must go take a shower. It is 12:00 and Dad is visiting still with his sisters. Jill is trying to pick Mark up from the airport but his flight is delayed. Apparently, we had some fog this morning that put everything behind. Lauren is getting ready to leave to go to school to get away from all of this NOT NORMAL life and not the life we dreamed of and visit with two of her bestest friends at school. Bert and Candance, we love you bunches and hope you have fun with Lauren. I see some girly movies in the not so distant future. Mom's hair person just called and she has a 1:30 so I could get my haircut, that would make me feel so much better........ but then I'll miss more of my "have tos" for today............


Seriously........ keep me close and my mom and sisters and brothers closer....... pray that we are able to anticipate Dad's needs......... that we listen to him.......... that we don't try and finish his sentences................. that we try to have empathy........... that we don't take him any extra worry.....

Stephanie

Wide Awake

1:30 am

That is what is happening tonight in the Bailey house.......... Jill, Lauren, Matt and I are ALL awake. That is so out of character because normally at 10:00 Matt is sound asleep and the rest of us are trying to get that way.

It seems that our bodies are tired but our minds are not. Who knows because it is now 1:30 am and I think that possibly Dad might even still be awake! For some reason when I was getting him situated tonight something went crazy with the oxygen thingy we have and now it is NOT working. I have NO idea what happened. Thankfully, it is not mission critical right now. I think it is though a worry to Dad. I hear voices coming from the direction of his room which is not a good sign................ you would think I would be falling over but I'm not tired. God is giving us what we need to get through this.........

He had a good visit today with his sisters. They made us a VERY yummy dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. There was complete silence as dinner was served because the food was so good everyone was eating and no one was talking! I don't even think the doggies got one bite (smile, sorrry Maggie!). Dad's visit with his sisters made him the old Dad and he was awake and funny. More awake than I've seen him in a while. Of course, it could have to do with the open window in his room and the 40 degree temperatures but anyhow, whatever works...........

I think at this point we are all one step away from some of our breaking points........ this is so hard..............

I'm going to get my PJs on and try and get some shut I before I go into a comma in front of this computer!

Keep us very, very close these next few days............

Stephanie

Toast, Paper & Coffee

Dad rested last night from about 11:45 to 3:30 this morning. When he woke up, he was wide awake sitting up more in the bed than I have seen him in a very long time. He was ready to get up as in in the wheelchair and really "get up". I cannot imagine not being able to move around and get up when I wanted to do so.

Once we got situated and set up, at about 3:45 this morning, I fixed Dad not one but two pieces of white toast with orange marmalade. He at all but about 3 teeny tiny bites that he fed to Laddie (the doggie). Last night when Mom made him toast Aunt Pam busted him feeding it to the dogs............ Pam said "Michael!!" Dad said " But they like it". Pam said "that is supposed to be for YOU!". Funny!!!! He also had some milk. I've been awake with him since he woke up. Mom was only up for about 20 minutes at 3:30.......... Dad said "Shannon" and she got up very quickly. Poor mom, but she was sweet about it. Dad was impressed with how quickly she woke up. I too have been awake since 3:30 this morning but for some reason am not tired. I think I am just enjoying time with Dad and just visiting.

It is now almost 7:30 and Dad is still sitting up pretty much in the bed...... we've got a fresh shirt on........... he's having some coffee and watching the news and making sure that Mom gets out ready for work..........

Must go check on the status of things, and get back

Lauren and Jill are up.. having their coffee fix (necessity)
they need to get to working on work work and school work..

more later

Good Night Everyone!

Don't have much of an update tonight. Dad seemed to have a good day from what I have heard. I worked today.

His sisters, Deb and Pam came to visit. They got here about 4:00 today. And, they came with yummy ingredients for dinner tomorrow night! And, there was a card which had another gift in it. You guys are way too generous!!!! You know who you are!

Jill and Lauren got in some retail therapy (shopping for those of you that aren't familiar) tonight. I got over here tonight around 10:15. It was nice tonight to spend some time with my entire family all at home under the same roof with no where I HAD to be. It was nice to do those mundane boring things we take for granted like putting your screaming six year old in the shower or helping with spelling words. The message I have here is enjoy every minute. Granted, I should have used that time to go to the gym or get over here earlier but it was nice just to chill out at home with my kiddos. So, I'm trying not to spend time saying "I should have this or that." Last nigt I was home too but I ran everywhere and it just wasn't the same.

And most importantly I wanted to say that I could not do this without my wonderful husband. He is wonderful you know. To sit and stay with those kids and NEVER know when his wife is going to return. I love you dear!

Jill and Lauren are watching ELF and as ususal I am SUPPOSED to be getting ready for bed. Dad is all snuggled in and has all of his meds so hopefully he'll rest some tonight. However, we have to be careful not to make him feel bad for NOT sleeping and say well you should have slept more because he has never really been one to sleep long periods at a time even when he was well. He is doing what he NEEDS to do now and that is SO hard to remember because WE NEED to SLEEP.

We'll update more tomorrow.

Good night and God bless! Keep us close!

Stephanie

Nap Time

it's jill again.
Tuesday.
Dad is napping. I am getting some work done. Matt made salads for lunch. Lauren just got out of the shower and has reading and a test to do.
Dad said he felt the most relaxed he has in a while just before he fell asleep. I don't know what to attribute this too. We didn't do anything out of the ordinary to get him settled down. He was anxious and uncomfortable. I just exercised his legs and rubbed them. I was so glad to hear that he felt so relaxed. That is rare.
It is good to see him sleeping so peacefully. That is rare too.
Last night wasn't a good one but neither he or mom woke me and Lauren up. I am worried about Mom not getting any rest. From her account and the notes Dad sleep from 1:30am-2:30 and was up off and on until 4:40 and then slept till 6. Poor Mom! I am going to make Dad promise not to wake her up tonight so she can get some sleep!
Maggie is in here "helping" me and she just sneezed.
We are off to eat a salad.
more later....

Yep, it is Monday again

Hello all....Jill here.

I got back from Austin about 6pm last night. Steph was still here helping out and ending up staying the night. I know she needed to go home, but it is hard to leave. I know Dad likes having her stay the night too.
Dad slept from about 2:30am until about almost 7. I think that might be a record. Lauren and I went to bed just before 2:00, but Steph reported that he took some time to get to sleep. He had toast and milk and tea. And then he had French Toast! Just one piece but at least there is a little protein in the egg there.
Dad seems to be in a pretty good mood today but is achy from yesterday. He is taking a little snooze right now. Lauren has left to get a haircut and Matt just got back from one of his many trips to the store. I am just sitting down to try to get some work done. I really don't even know where to begin. Matt, Lauren and I went for a walk this morning. It was chilly but nice to get out.
Dad mentioned that steak sounded good for the first time in forever so maybe we can get him to try that for some protein!
I better get some work done while I can. I bet dad wakes up any second.

Fun and Frustrating at the same time

Stephanie here............ Sunday night................ Jill is back from Austin............. She seems rested....... Dad is having some toast and milk. We had dinner and the kitchen is clean (yeah!). Jill, Lauren and I were all in with Dad tonight and he was making jokes and saying funny things non stop. It was great to have some comic relief and see Dad laugh along with us. Such a relief from all of the seriousness and sad eyes that were there over the weekend.

A big thanks to my Aunt Shirley for coming and working her magic in the kitchen and other areas of the house. You do not know how much we APPRECIATE you taking time out of your Sunday to come do that for us. Hope you enjoyed your dinner at Saltgrass. Tell Ross we said Happy Birthday, with all of this going on, you seem to forget that there are others on the outside for which life goes on and is not all consumed with one peron's comfort.

The Christmas lights are on the house and the lights in the yard are finished I think. Mom will have to weigh in a final word on that. The Christmas tree is 60% decorated and I attempted to set out the Christmas houses today. Lauren will have to fluff my efforts.

I need to GO home but can't make myself. Tonight, when we were all in there we were talking and Dad said we needed to be quiet. I think all of the talking made him anxious and he wanted calm. But seriously, I need to talk to you Dad, because I just do and chatter is something we do normally. But hey, maybe Kevin is right and I do talk WAY too much sometimes.

It is almost 1:00 am. I need I think to work tomorrow. And, of course, I have not even talked to Kevin tonight so I have NO idea if he has anything early tomorrow.

Sorry for all of the ramblings..........

Here's hoping for a good restful night for all; however, Dad did take a 2 hour nap today. Hopefully that does not mean he will not sleep tonight.

cowboys and waffles

Dad ate waffles!! waffles with butter and apricot and strawberry jam (he alternated) and a glass of milk. yay papa bear :) no bacon though, but he said he probably needed to eat it.

We are watching the cowboys game but dad was mad bc of the score.. 10-0 booooo!! BUT the cowboys just scored.. YAY!!

more later...

sleep medicine people are liars...

Lauren here..

I know the title sounds bad.. but SO much for the sleep "aid" working in 30 minutes, try an hour and a half :)
Dad fell asleep with Newsweek in hand about... 1:30? He dropped it on himself a few times and woke up but at about 2am he still had it in his hand but was sleeping soundly. No major events until 4:30am when Dad woke up (yay)
I tried to wake up and "be nice" as Dad puts it as quickly as possible. Its about 6:15am now and he has had apple jelly white toast and milk.. happy plate shortly there afterwards.
The night wasn't too bad, and Dad slept pretty well for about 3 hours, 3 hours is better than nothing so I'm thankful for that.
Bubba is up so its nice to not be awake alone. And he comes with coffee :)
Oh dear coffee... what ever would we do without you?

my little ode to caffeine...

oh dear caffeine
what you do for us
you take away the mean
and give us such a rush
mornings would be painful
but you give us hope
to be stuck in the afternoon lull
but then we have a coke

lol YOU try to write something at 6am and see how it comes out :)
love you all

more mac n cheese and ELF

Lauren here...

stephanie finally left to go to her office party about 6:30..
matt and his friend went to the store and also brought home some pizza (no clean up!!)
mom dad and I all ate together (dad ate mac n cheese) that was nice
dad put in his contacts.. made him feel a little better..

dad seems to have a twinge of sadness in his eyes... we are currently watching Elf to make some laughs.. maybe its just me.. but I LOVE that movie!!
Mom is trying to balance her checkbook.. Oh how that can get away from us.. I think Maggie is trying to help.. she is always trying to help :)

oh and maybe I slept a little while studying dear sister.. but I have finished ONE exam.. two more to go to finish one of my classes... so BAM!

love you all

Lazy Saturday Afternoon

What might you ask is going around at the Bailey house, here is a brief overview:

• Lauren is studying (aka napping) in Dad's room, it is so warm in there sometimes you just want to sleep, well we do anyway (smile)
• Matt's friend Patrick is over
• Mom is getting ready to finish putting up the lights
• I am visiting with Dad and working on getting the Christmas decorations out and trying to stay on top of the kitchen and clutter and laundry.

Hannah is dancing right now as I type. I talked to her and she was okay with me not being there. I'm not sure I'm okay with it. My plan is to leave around 4:00, which is in just a few hours to go get ready for my company Christmas party. However, that does not look too promising. I know Mom and Lauren will be just fine it is just that it is helpful when all three of us are here. I have tickets to take Hannah to Casa Manana tomorrow.

Jill will be back from Austin tomorrow?

Rest and More Mac and Cheese, Kraft of Course

Good morning everyone.

We had somewhat of a restful night. Dad slept from about 1:00 to 3:30 when he woke up with an issue.

To resolve the issue, I had to get Mom up to help me with that one. After being awake she asked Dad "Dear is there anything else I can do?" Dad replied "Take your sweet countenance back to bed. My sincerest apolgoies". After Mom got him settled and after she had gone back to bed, he asked me if I had had a midnight snack. I said yes and asked him if he wanted anything and he said yes, I asked him if he would like some toast or applesauce and he said no, he'd like some mac and cheese......... so that it what we had. Thankfully, there was some already made and all I had to do was heat it up. We went back to sleep at around 4:00. And then Dad woke up at 5:00; I went to lay down in Lauren's room and left Matt in charge for a few minutes.

Night time funnies:

Last night Mom got all snuggled in bed. Lauren and I were not "getting ready for bed" like Dad wanted us to. So, he was calling people on his cell phone. He called Mom's cell and Lauren asked him why he was calling Mom. Then later that night after I was properly dressed in my PJs and ready for bed I was giving him good night hugs and might I just add that I lingered there for a long time so long that my glasses were fogged from the heat of his body and from Mr. Piggy (in case you don't know Mr. Piggy is a humidifier - he is very cute I might add - my kids named him Pirate Pete - here is a picture of him..........................) So, while I was snuggling with Dad and listening to him tell me that he loved me which I just about melted into a puddle........ he asked me if he had called mom's cell. And when I told him yes, he said "oh, she is going to whoop my ass!!" So, funny!

Time now right now is almost 10:00 on Saturday morning........... Lauren is resting on the couch....... Matt is chilling............ Mom is sleeping............. Dad is sleeping............. Doggies are put up and I am waiting on the nurse. He called and is about 15 minutes out................... My current question is when to wake Dad as he likes to be awake to talk to the nurses. Here is hoping I make the right choice on that!

Other than that I am struggling with if I should stay here or try to make Hannah's dance this afternoon at 2:15. I can call my friend Anna to help with Hannah's makeup/costumes............ I think that just might be the thing to do and then maybe Kevin can drop the kids off at his Mom's and come over here. We'll see! Will update more later! I'm really enjoying the peace and quiet right now, no TVs on (if you can believe that) and the only major issue for me is that my 2nd cup of coffee that I have poured and made has been set somewhere and I've only drank about 3 sips of each cup. Seriously what a waste.

The nurse came and checked everything out. Dad's blood pressure and temp are good. He has a few minor changes and the nurse explained everything. Afterwards, though I had a few more questions for the nurse and so I walked the nurse out. I was talking to the nurse in the living room when Lauren appeared and said "Dad was right, he so knows you!". You cannot get stuff past Dad even right now. I really would like the social worked to come by. She is supposed to be a licensed counselor which would be really good.

Lauren has gone to the store to buy more mac and cheese and I am supposed to be making some tea for Dad. So, he is eating more warmed up mac and cheese right now for a little snack. Oh, he had toast this morning for breakfast (white toast with apple butter jelly).

I will update more later on today.

Stephanie

Good Night

Okay, Dad is comfortable and I have been instructed to GO GET READY for bed and to NOT worry about cleaning up any more stuff and COME right back. So, I am supposed to be putting on my PJs. But seriously, what I really would like to do is talk to Lauren and chill and watch Greys on abc.com but I am really going to go and enjoy all of the good times and moments and put all of that other stuff on hold.

Lauren went in to make sure he took his new night meds and I am getting some respite on this keyboard talking to all of you. It is 12:17 in the morning and the house smells of yummy baked homemade brownies that Lauren made in her procrastination baking session, you know instead of doing homework or college studies. Lauren is back from tucking Dad in. Dad has been awake now for almost 8 and a half hours. Yeah..............

Well, crap, I am busted................. I have been gone longer than it takes to "get ready for bed" and Lauren has informed me that I am to be rubbing Dad's legs. You know I think I will have her tell him that I will rub his legs if he takes his night sleepy meds..............

Good night and sweet dreams everyone!
Stephanie

PS Leave us a note to let us know you dropped by and any words of encouragement.

Clean Kitchen and Somewhat comfortable Papa Bear

Hello everyone..........

Matt's dinner of homemade enchiladas and Spanish Rice was yummy.......... The aftermath in the kitchen was not, so to keep the peace in the Bailey house (well between Matt, me and Lauren) I twisted Matt's arm and convinced him to help me clean up ALL of the kitchen tonight. I can hear dishes clanking in the kitchen so that means Matt is putting up the dishes. It will be so nice to wake up to a clean slate in the morning. Thank you Matt!! And, now we can all be friends.

Lauren just went back in to talk with Dad........... he made me go find her because he thought she was out on the front porch talking to a boy on her cell......... (smile) Mom brought us Sonic Cokes, you know with a Sonic Diet Coke and a splash of regular coke that somehow makes even the craziest days better. Yeah!

I must go now and rub Dad's legs. I have been go way too long and must not be MIA for too much longer (smile).

Lauren just came and got me so I'm in deep trouble so I must go rub his feet!

Later!

Prayer of Burnout

Lauren here again...
I originally posted this as a comment


Father help us to understand the weight of the world is not on our shoulders, but rather on yours.

We ask that you heal our weariness and inner pain. Renew our vision with Your perspective, and give us new energy to pursue it.

May we experience in a fresh, new way the assurance of Your approval and Your loving presence.



This is encouraging but sometimes it is hard for us to remember. It could do us all a little good in our life to remember this prayer.
LOVE YOU ALL!

Waking up Dad.. and FOOOD :)

Lauren here...

It has been a pretty good afternoon. I actually read a few pages of a book for school.
Dad has been up since about 4 and he seems to be quite comfortable. He wanted to wake up so I got him some soda and ice. That wasn't good enough though... he wanted me to call and see about getting some drugs to wake him up... that didn't go anywhere. My idea was to go through his old Fraternity Scrapbook thing and talk about the pictures and various items. He was reluctant to try my idea at first but we did it anyways. But it is 7 now so something worked.. I primped him with a nice shave, face wash, and he got his hair did.
He ate some today. We started with apple sauce and jello.
Matt made some cinnamon toast and dad wanted some but the white toast seems to be sensitive to the toaster so it burned numerous times. To say the least dad did not get toast at that point.
Now I just made him some KRAFT (has to be Kraft) Mac n Cheese and a piece of carefully prepared cinnamon toast and he is eating it.. YAY!!!!
Matt is being Mr. Chef Boyardee and making homemade spanish rice and chicken enchiladas for dinner. As long as HE CLEANS IT UP.. we'll be friends. love you bubba
To report on school
I can take incompletes in my classes and finish them up over winter break and throughout next semester (on top of my other classes.. yay) I have amazing professors and I am so very glad I go to a small private school. As for graduating.. I'm just hoping the finances work out. I have expressed my concerns to my advisor and he had some encouraging things to say... I am a bit more at ease.. but still a little freaked out.
Dad was happy to hear about it..I know he wants to make sure I'm taken care of. I love my papa bear.
more later...

Resting

Just talked to Lauren, I'm at work right now......... Dad is resting.......... They brought him some oxygen last night and some breathing treatments. Breathing treatments are something he was doing in the hospital that just did not carry over to home yet. Please pray that I get wrapped up at work and get what I need to get done here and figure out a way to get it all done. Work seems so trivial at this point and so NOT important but I know that it ultimately pays the bills long term so I have to figure out that delicate balance. My employer is being understanding to a point but you know you never know. I'm guessing Jill is at the airport now on her way to Austin. I wish my job was one I could do from home so I could do it at 3:00 am when I am awake.

They did give the new medication and I believe that the word is that Dad had a more restful evening.

I'll update tonight when to Mom and Dads........

We are Blessed!

Open a Christmas card, and out falls a gift card to Wal-mart. That was such a great surprise. And then an e-mail gift card to Sams or Wal-mart! We wanted to say THANK YOU so much to our family members who have so generously at this time of year blessed us! You don't know how much we appreciate it. Gift cards come in handy to pick up the things that we need. Now, if we could just get a Merry Maids to live with us 24/7 (just kidding, kind of :)) that would take care of the rest of our worries! You know a little genie to live in the kitchen and make it sparkle the minute you left there or fold laundry and laundry and laundry.

I wanted to say Thank you to my Aunt Shirley for stopping by earlier this week one morning to bring us donuts (okay, not so much for the donuts, remember Aunt Shirley our waistlines smile!!). I only had one little pinch but sersioulsy I didn't need that! But it was good that I stopped at the one pinch! Matt loved the donuts and that was really cool! But most importantly, she stopped by and cleaned up the kitchen which seems to be used constantly and unloaded and reloaded this dishwasher and did her magic. That seems to mean more than anything else right now. It is really the little things in life! Any others of you that might want to help out here for Bailey Kitchen Dish Duty and have a few minutes to drop by that would be awesome. Please call my cell at 817-291-0380 to coordinate and let us know so we can make sure that the dogs do not bark. You probably will just be visiting with us and not Dad as for some reason these days he is just not up to visitors!

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I will try and post more when I get over there tonight.

Hannah has another dance performance this weekend so I will hopefully be able to make it.

Please pray for a peaceful low pain day.

Stephanie

Eggs and Toast Anyone?

Dad is still not eating all that much.........

Yesterday, he had some of a scrambled egg and toast, although I don't know that he ate much of the toast. We are really trying to push protein that sounds good as protein is an important element in helping his wounds heal.

He drake a shake yesterday and then that was followed by him not feeling too hot (to put it mildly) so not sure that he will drink any more of those!

I am so thankful that Jill was there yesterday as I could not of handled all that happened yesterday by myself..................

Pray that we find something we can sneak some protein in and that dad likes it.

Finally guys, an Update!

Sorry everyone, Stephanie here. I really meant to update this last night. Actually I meant to do a lot of things like..... go to the gym, watch Grey's Anatomy (recorded), put my laundry in the dryer, get stuff packed to go back to dad's today but I didn't.... I crawled into bed and fell asleep with Hayden and I slept there until Kevin woke me up to start the day. Seriously, I did not mean to not leave you guys hanging!

Lauren went to school on Tuesday and came back last night. Jill has been here since Thanksgiving with the exception of her business trip to New York so she is planning to fly to Austin this afternoon so she can go home and get some rest and see her sweet kitty cats! I know they miss her as much as she misses them. I know that she wants to go home but she wants to make sure she is where she needs to be. Balancing that part of this journey is the hardest part I think.

Mom is hanging in there! She is resting when she can. Sometimes though, that is easier said than done. Sometimes, Jill will get him settled and leave the room and he will get Mom up in the middle of the night to get him a washcloth, or toast or whatever............. Why? Who knows? I really feel like he wants our company and that he isn't really trying to be demanding........ and that he just wants those of us around him but sometimes it is REALLY hard not to get frustrated and to be sweet and kind and smile and say "Okay, what can I do?". Sometimes you just want to SCREAM or yank the pillow out really MEAN like.......... oh, but you don't!!! Mom stayed home with him on Tuesday all day. Dad asked her to stay with him and that is really a first as his first worry is usually making sure she gets to work and such.

He has started not doing some of the things...... like when I say "I Love You Dad" he used to say "I Love you too!" and now he doesn't do that much anymore. Almost like there is still a shell of a man that isn't really dad. But then in the same breath he will say something like "Go, what time is Hayden's school program? I don't want you to miss it." Oh, the heartache...............

Dad is not really sleeping all that much. But, one of the mom's that I was talking to today after I dropped Hannah and Hayden off at school put it somewhat into perspective for me and maybe this is how Dad feels........ you know that you and I when we are busy all day really look forward to crawling into bed at night and resting but when you spend your entire days and nights there it might be difficult to sleep. I do know that some new medication was delivered yesterday that the nurse called in that is to help with sleeping. Will see if that does help him rest..........

What else, oh, I mopped the den last week and pulled up all of the rugs and of course on Friday night dad rolled by them in his wheelchair and doggy smell caught his nose and so Stanley Steamer came on Wednesday and cleaned them and the tile floor. Sorry sisters for causing that extra work for you guys but the end result is really a blessing and that is that Jill rearranged the den and it looks so much more cozy and is a place for us to rest and gather and get strength! Thank you Jill!

The sink in the kitchen stopped up and we called the plumber on Tuesday and they fixed it but last night it was leaking......... so thankfully, it only cost $13.00 in parts to repair!

Okay, will update a little more later to get everyone up to date!

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers!

Stephanie

Mac and Cheese

Jill here...updating on eating

Dad had about a cup of good ole Kraft Mac and Cheese. He ate it begrudgingly, but hey, he ate it. I just keep making random things to see if he will eat. He said no way to the lima beans, but I can't really blame him.

Melancholy Monday

I went to Mom and Dad's on Sunday afternoon and got home around 3:00 am from there. It is impossible to make yourself leave once you get there. To me, Dad goes back and forth between the worried parent as in one breath he is telling you to "Go to bed and get some sleep" and in the next breath he is asking "What are we going to do about this (usually his back and trying to get him comfortable)"? It is so tiring..... Kevin and the kids came over and Kevin and Mark helped put the lights up outside. Jill and Lauren went to see Enchanted with Hannah - trying to spread a little normal in our nightmare.



I am not there today but below is an update from Jill ......................



Dad had a piece of toast at 3:30 and a glass of milk. Lauren and I got in bed at 3 and dad called

me just as soon as I got settled. He didn't really ever say what he wanted but I think he wanted me to make sure Mom was in bed properly, and not sleeping in her clothes or contacts. Then he decided toast would be good. I went to make him toast and he was asleep when I got back but woke up and ate the toast.

I tried toast and eggs for breakfast, but he ate only one bite of the toast. He drank the milk though. We also tried the cresent rolls that he liked the other day, but he didn't want that either. I am going to make some mac and cheese and see if he goes for that. His appetite has almost disappeared and that saddens me so much.

He was in a better mood late last night and joking around. He was all business this morning, wanting to know what the plan for the day was. Lauren and I have a long list of things to do. Lauren is very worried and stressed about school. She has four classes to finish and a month and a half of work to do for each and a term paper and less than 2 weeks to do it. She is going to school on Tuesday and plans to meet with all of her professors again. There are also finals to consider. She has to finish at least 2 classes and will probably have to take incompletes in the others. She is very worried about finishing school and having the money to do it.

Work for me is fine. I went to sales conference and everyone was ridiculously understanding. I have a lot of catching up to do and and I am a little stressed today but my employers continue to amaze me at the compassion they have for this situation.

Dad is still in a serious mood so far today, but we are going to try and lighten him up some how.

I am off to make some mac and cheese. Wish me luck.

love you all.
jill